Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Yeah, yeah.

I know it's been a long time. I've been sick since I got back from Florida. I blame a sinus infection.

Anyway,  Today I was going about my normal business of not feeling well when I saw Doobie squatting to poop under the table. I picked him up and rushed him in to the potty. I tried to undress him quickly, but he was wearing his footie PJs and an undershirt. It was tough going. Judging by the brown smudge, I was a bit too late.

I put him down on the potty to let him finish, but the stench... Heavens, the stench! It made my already ill-tempered stomach turn on me. I puked on Oliver. Then I turned and puked in the bathtub, leaving in my wake an arc of vomit as I turned.

In the course of all this, what I didn't realize was that a little turd had plopped out of Oliver's diaper and onto the floor. I stepped in it, and it got stuck squished between my toes. I ran out of the room to get a breath of fresh air/to stop the cycle of vomit/collect cleaning supplies. I tracked poop prints through the bathroom, down the hall, and to the kitchen.

I had just calmed my stomach enough to return to the gory bathroom scene when I noticed that feeling between my toes and realized what I did. It triggered a whole new round of vomiting. Great.

I washed the feces off of my foot, and finally turned my attention back to Oliver, whom I'd left alone, unsupervised in the bathroom for quite some time. I rounded the corner and let out a sigh of relief - there he was, obediently sitting on his potty right where I'd left him. Whew. It was the only string of good luck I'd had all morning.

I knew my stomach couldn't handle any amount of time in that bathroom, so I grabbed him and took him towards the changing table. Again, my lack of attention came back to bite me. He wasn't done going potty.  I held him out at arm's length, an arc of pee splattering on the linoleum at my feet. Lovely.

Vomit, feces, and urine - all in a 10 minute time span.

I'm starting to rethink this whole potty training business.

Friday, January 14, 2011

I'm back.

We came back home last night. I'll resume posting shortly. As soon as I get all this stuff put away, that is.

We left with two suitcases. Came home with three. This always happens to us somehow.