Introducing Babyzilla

Today is looking hopeful! I just found a new apartment listing from a nice old guy, and I'm going to go look at it today. Its a bit farther out, but its cheaper so... Who knows? Maybe it'll knock our #1 out of the runnings.

For everyone so excited to meet Babyzilla, I have composed his profile for your enjoyment:

Legal Name: TBA

Nick Names: Babyzilla, The Baby, Boy

Likes: Amniotic fluid, Kellogg's Raisin Bran, robots, & ice cream cake.

Dislikes: UDS Kielbasa, tomato sauce, Perkins omelets, litter boxes, flashlights on my uterus.

Favorite activities: Moshing, roundhouse kicking my ovaries, long walks on the beach.

Least favorite activities: Sleeping, lying still.

Height: 11 inches, head to toe.

Weight: 13 ounces.

Age: 20 weeks & 3 days

Aspirations for when he grows up: Brain surgeon, NASA engineer, Nobel Peace Prize winner, &  billionaire. (Simultaneously, of course.)

The good, bad, & the ugly.

Hmm... Well.. this could be along post but since I'd like to get down to breakfast soon, I'll try to shorten it a bit.

A lot of bad things happened this week, including:

1. Exposing myself to mercury. Oops. Somebody left a thermometer on the table, and I set a book on it and broke it, saw the little silver balls of mercury and promptly ran out of the room crying. It was a good time.

2. Apartment guy canceled. Again. And again. And then he had a showing appointment open on Thursday, which I thought we could go to but then Jared said wait, no, we can't go. He had to do something for work or I don't know what. But then, we had our appointment on Saturday to look at it and by that time somebody who went to the Thursday showing had already taken the apartment. Disappointing.

3. I barfed. For no reason, other than that maybe the roast beef didn't taste too good.

4. My car broke down, and I had to get it towed and I've been without it since. Not that I usually need my car, but still.. Knowing I can't go anywhere is bugging me more than not actually being able to go anywhere. The people at the dealership were kinda thinking I was stupid, like I didn't know how to drive my stick shift car, even though I've been driving it sans problems for the past two years. It is, however, still under warrantee so the towing and all that was covered.

5.  I have mystery sharp pain in my side. At first I thought, hey, more round ligament pain, but this hasn't gone away like my other muscle-pull type hurts. It feels like a really sharp sort of pressure. Thats the best way I can describe it. It only hurts if: 1. I push on it. 2. I am curled up tight enough to push on it.  3. After I pee I stand upright. and 4. random other times. I am contemplating taking some pain meds here, but I'm trying to hold off in case I don't have to.

6. My computer has broken (hence the lack of posting) mysteriously. Well, not so mysteriously now. I learned that a common problem with upgrading to leopard is that the computer kicks you off of being admin. Which means, in my case, that when I was halfway through downloading the new Firefox and it asked for permission, I couldn't authorize it and thus I couldn't use firefox anymore. So... I've not got a working browser, and that is more than annoying but I can word process to my heart's content. I was going to take it in to be fixed (for free, yay!) on Friday but since my car broke, well, I couldn't get to the mall anymore and didn't trust riding the 16 bus with my computer.

Since that was a lot of complaining (and not even in my usual witty style!) I'll write about the good things that've happened this week:

1. First and foremost, I AM HALFWAY DONE with being pregnant. It seems like I still have forever to go but, you know, for right now I'll take halfway. If it weren't such a ridiculous idea, I'd order myself a dang ice cream cake because I have been dreaming and dreaming about one, and I've convinced Jared that somehow, I need to have an ice cream cake when the baby is born. It'll be my bribe to get through it all, I guess. lol

2. I got full points on my lab despite barfing in the middle of it.

3. Today there is going to be TURKEY SAUSAGE in UDS, along with french toast. It'll be good eating for me once they open.

4. I got a nice letter from my brother. It made me feel better after crappy apartment guy told me the apartment had been leased. Its always nice to get mail.

5. Yesterday Jared & I looked at a couple of new (and probably 10 times better-er! at least thats what I'm telling myself to make myself feel better) apartments. We're considering one that is right on University, about a 20 minute walk. Its in Prospect Park so its a nice area, and its very close to a Cub Foods, a Rainbow Foods, & Walmart (even though that one is pretty ghetto.) The landlord seeme very nice, adn there isn't any one thing that I really dislike about it so we very well may apply for it. We're supposed to discuss it over turkey sausage this morning.

6. I shaved my legs again, and I've been able to wear shorts. That is good because it is DANG hot up in here with the heat still turned on in some buildings. Its like they're trying to turn Babyzilla into a hard boiled egg or something.

7. Yesterday, in stead of crying when I hit my forehead on the shower stall, I laughed maniacally. I mean, I'm not sure maniacal laughing is really that much better than crying, but in my mind... hey, its one less time of me crying. When I think about it, the situation is pretty funny. I was in one of the tiny stalls because my usual shower was occupied, and I dropped my shampoo and went to bend over and BAM hit my forehead on the wall of the shower. That startled me so much that I stood bolt upright so fast that I hit my back on the shower knob, leaving a red mark on my back which looked eerily like a winking cartoon sailor. LOL Guess I didn't raelize the stall was THAT small, and without my contacts I am mostly blind so... You know. Thats my excuse. (Also, I managed to shave my legs in that tiny stall. Feat of skill!)

8. Jared got new shoes. We shoe shopped without drama. And now I can hide his boots in the closet until he needs something he can geocache in. No more stinky Jared shoes!

9. I opened a library account, and checked out baby name books & a leisure read. Also, I have gone for a walk almost every day this week. I get winded walking (how lame!) but I think it makes me feel better when I get back.

Today has sucked. My apologies in advance.

I don't know why today sucked so much, but I've been feeling sad since I woke up. Maybe its that this morning was cloudy and I didn't want to be awake so early. Of course, I don't really have much of a choice anymore... Either I wake up, or I'll pee the bed. But anyway, I got up this morning, went to the bathroom, and then tried to lie back down to sleep but babyzilla just kept nudging me on the inside. And I just wanted to sleep so much that I admit, I got angry at the baby. Which, of course, only made me feel worse because I know he didn't do anything and it is ridiculous to be angry at him for just being awake and moving, but I was angry and I couldn't help it. Then, when I wasn't angry anymore, I was horrified that I could even think of blaming the baby for anything. I am the master of guilt - its something Catholic school instilled in me. Its probably why my parents rarely had to punish me, because I already felt shitty enough whenever I did anything bad. Usually, I felt guilty even before I ever did anything bad, which I think probably prevented me from doing a lot of bad/fun things. But anyway, there I was... feeling guilty and thinkign I was going to be the worst parent in the world.

So then I got up, and I tried to distract myself and force myself into being happy. I'm a big believer in being able to force yourself into happiness, and I think it was working out pretty well for a while. I took a nice long shower, and shaved my legs. I stood in front of my closet trying to pick out clothes that would say "I would be a great tenant. I am clean & responsible." (while at the same time not looking contrived) for when I went to look at the apartment. Then I got a phone call, and they canceled the showing. For some reason, it really threw me back into my funk. There I was, pulling myself together and making myself look all nice for the apartment guy, and it all fell through. It kinda felt like spending all day getting ready to go out on a date, only to have the other person cancel at the last minute and make you feel like crap. Its stupid, I know, but thats what it felt like.

So then after that I went online and read other people's baby blogs. Sometimes this makes me feel better because I can see that there are far less capable people than I having babies and raising them. One of my favorite bloggers is so ridiculous that she purposely and severely constipated herself. Her thinking was that if she was so backed up, it would be like practicing pushing for the birth of her child. Yeah, she was comparing pooping to birthing her child. I mean, I'm no expert but I'm pretty sure there is a difference in there somewhere. But anyway, she was stupid enough to try that and all she got out of it was a nasty case of hemorrhoids and interesting blog fodder.

But today wasn't a day where reading other people's blogs comforted me. Instead, I just worried that I might be as stupid as they are and not able to notice the stupidity traits in myself. You know, kind of the splinter vs beam in the eye situation.

Jared realized I wasn't feeling so great today so he suggested that we get out and do something. We went to the mall and walked around, and I did feel a little better. We went looking for a plain grey maternity zip up hoodie, but we couldn't find one. Going into maternity stores isn't the greatest thing for me, because usually I just feel out of place. I'm not the serene earth mom who really would fit in with the usual Motherhood Maternity crowd. The clothes aren't really my style, and I'm paranoid that everyone is whispering about how young or unmarried I am. (Catholic guilt again.) I mean, I know most people probably don't even notice or even care but once I think about something its hard to push out of my mind. Thats probably the biggest problem I have... I can recognize and realize when I'm being irrational, but at the same time I don't know how to stop it. I hate that I can't control myself enough not to cry at TV shows with sick babies or get angry at Jared for leaving his socks everywhere. I could sense that I wasn't being helped by the maternity store ambiance, so I suggested that we go looking for new shoes for Jared.
'

In hindsight, this was a bad bad idea. The issue of Jared's shoes has been bugging me for a long long time. He has been wearing the biggest, clunkiest, ugliest boots for the longest time now, and I hate them. I want them gone. They are hiking boots. (See the attached photo. They are bigger, clunkier, and uglier in real life.) If he were hiking the Adirondacks, maybe I would accept them. But.. since we're in urban Minneapolis, they need to go. Sometimes he gets dressed int he cutest ever shirts, and he looks absolutely adorable and attractive and then... he puts on The Boots, and thats all I can look at after that. Every other cuteness factor gets negated by those damn boots. So hated are they that I actually seriously contemplated having one of them mysteriously and "accidentally" end up in a dumpster somewhere. I hate hate hate his hiking boots.

But anyway, we were off to a good start. He found a pair that he liked, and was convinced he should just try them on and buy them. No need to look at other pairs, right? Jared's idea of shopping is usually just seeing something, liking it, purchasing it. There is no "shopping" with Jared, only grabbing and buying.

So, like a madwoman, I continued to look at the other shoes. Even though I thought the ones he liked were pretty good looking, they were pretty swanky upscale looking tennis shoes and I didn't know how they'd stand up to Jared's abuse. And also... Who knows? Maybe an even greater find was lurking 20 feet down the row. That was my first mistake.

Jared found a pair of really heavy duty clod hopping hiking shoes. I'll give it to him that true, they weren't boots but they were as close as they could get to boots. They were the same brand as the offending hiking boots, so I was quick to put the kibosh on them. I shouldn't have done that. I should've just said that I liked the other ones better. I shouldn't ever bring up how much I hate hate hate his hiking boots. I should've just pretended like I thought the first shoes were the greatest int he world.

But anyway... we started to bicker over the whole shoes thing. Any shoe with a bit of white/cream/light grey was out of the picture because it would get dirty. I tried to tell Jared that you just wear your regular shoes for say, walking to class, wandering around the mall, and you use other shoes for say, geocaching through muck or walking unshoveled sidewalks. I even implied that he could wear his boots for the activities that would get shoes with any infinitesimal amount of light colouredness dirty. But that was too much. I shouldn't have pushed him and a full blown storm was upon us.

The fight about shoes quickly became a big deal to me. I mean, Jared & I fight and we always have but now its like any fight is a gigantic cry fest for me. Somehow I extended the fight about shoes into how hard it is to be pregnant. I guess its never that far from my mind because I can guarantee that something about me being pregnant is going to come into any fight that we will have in the next however many months. I guess, from my point of view, being pregnant has changed everything so I can offer it up as an excuse to why I am, for instance, crying and making a scene over what shoes my boyfriend does or does not buy.

But then Jared said something that just super pushed me over the edge, even if he did retract the statement when he was no longer upset with me. He said:

"I don't think being pregnant has even changed your life much."

I went crazy, its true. There was no way I was going to be able to stop crying over that. I was back and forth between wanting to murder Jared and wondering if I'm just being a big baby over this entire pregnant thing. Of course its changed a lot for me, right?

I mean... even if no one thing is so bad, it still sucks to be just generally uncomfortable all the time. It sucks to have to genuinely worry about what I'm going to be doing int he future, because now its not just my life that would be ruined if I didn't plan right. I can't even forget that I'm pregnant because even when I'm not being nudged from the inside, I can still tell that I don't have the energy/balance/stomach capacity that I did before. I hate that some of my friends are going to be lost because we'll be running in such different circles. They're not going to want to be heading to the zoo and looking at ducks int eh park when they could be sleeping all day and going to obscure indie films by night. I don't blame them, but still... I'm going to miss them and I'm scared I'm going to be awfully lonely without them. I know I can make new friends but thats a daunting enough thought without having to juggle everything else I've got going on. I guess mostly it comes down to me being scared.

And I don't want you to think I'm not ever excited or happy, because I am. As much as I hate being pregnant I'm so excited to meet my baby. I'm probably happy more hours than not, but sometimes its hard to remember the happy times when I feel like everything sucks so much. Its easier to just blog about everything thats bothering me because then I can see how much I'm whining over a bunch of nothing. I guess its a sort of perspective.

So probably what I'm trying to say is, don't worry that I'm never happy or that I'm not looking forward to the baby. I am. I just get taken over by the bad things sometimes and I have to write about them, even if its in rambling grammatically incorrect sentences. Jared & I have called a truce and we're going to try to start the whole "be happy" thing over again. We're going to walk to DQ and enjoy a value menu sundae together. Because ice cream makes everyone happier, right?

Rummaging.

My favorite robot onesie. Its a bad picture because I stole it off the internet.

Okay... So we did a fair amount of garage sale bargain hunting today. I got some good buys at mostly 50 cents a piece. I came home with 10 or so outfits in a bigger size, so he has something to wear in the winter. My favorite finds of the day? A blue onesie shirt with a robot on it, a shirt and pants set that is cowboy themed - complete with the look of soft baby chaps, and an adorable blue red & grey puppy number.

My sister picked up some gender neutral outfits, and a pack & play that looks pretty much new. We ate some Taco Bell (delicious) and then stopped by at a pyramid scheme presentation in hopes of getting free cookies & spa treatments. (We got the cookies. No dice on the spa treatments.)

We stopped at a couple consignment shops which had clothing for sale at much higher prices than the garage sales, but also a vast selection.  One of the consignment hsops was decidedly mexican and had a strange smell, so... that was interesting. 

Jared apparently also had an interesting day. He had to train for the musical presentation number that they put on for new students. It was especially awkward because he has to sing a song about avoiding pregnancies... oops. A bit hipocritical on that one.  (I had a good time when he showed me his little dance. Jared isn't exactly a performer, but he was trying hard.)

Also, because Jared is so thrilled with robot onesie (and I was too), I was thinking I may do a robot theme. Because, well.. robots are cool and different than what every other baby boy has.

OH YEAH! Also, I spotted another one of those tricksy Mourning Cloak butterflies. But, alas, I was carrying in my baby clothes haul and I couldn't chase after it. Someday, it shall be mine!

That elusive Mourning Cloak...

Okay.. Today was pretty good. I went to lab, which was not good but needed to be done. It was incredibly stupid because the stuff in lab wasn't working properly, everyone was angry, etc etc.

But then, after lab I drove Kari to pick up her new sweet ride. We drove it around a bit to try and figure otu the various features, and then ate lunch at DQ. Then I did some boring stuff, followed by hunting for the MOURNING CLOAK BUTTERFLY. We saw one, but we weren't good enough to catch it. I've been seeing them around campus, and I've decided that I need one. So... the search is on.

Jared really likes butterfly hunting, and I relaly like watching Jared butterfly hunt. Its a win win situation. 

Tomorrow I am rummage sale-ing like crazy with my sister Elisa, and Sunday I'm going to an apartment showing. I hope we like the apartment and everything about it turns out ot be awesome, because right now its our best prospect.

I'm too spastic right now to type anything else. I must go look up every single 19 weeks pregnant article ont eh web, and read through them at least two-three times.

Babyzilla.

Jared, while talking to my stomach (and therefore the baby) while I eat a granola bar:

"You just wait. We're going to have adventures and kick ass."

The baby has come to be known as Babyzilla, for his ability to make me breathe fire with heartburn. Jared's favorite thing is to poke at my stomach and see if he can make BZ poke me back. I can't say its my favorite thing. For one, its a bit distracting, but I do admit... its cute.

We may be having what some people call an "active" child...

His head is to the left, legs on the right. The bright white lines are the skull, spine, & leg bones.

As promised, I'll update y'all about my doctor's visit today. It was a doozie. I'm not kidding. How many people can say they've had an ultrasound last over an hour long? I can. Apparently my son was a bit hyperactive today and they couldn't get all of the pictures they needed. I think he got angry that they were rubbing my stomach so much that he sort of spazzed out. I could feel it and it wasn't really a pleasant thing. Out of the 50-some pictures they took, the one shown above is the best one I've got. So maybe he's not so photogenic? Well, neither are his parents. I don't blame him. If you want a bit better view, you can click the image to make it larger.

This is one of his left foot. It has all the necessary toes.

At one point we had three people in the room taking turns with the transducer trying to get all of the shots they needed. It was a regular old party in my exam room - if only I hadn't forgotten to bring the sparkling cider. Every person who peeked into the room exclaimed something along the lines of "What a big beautiful boy you've got there!" Big!? Take that back, now! My child is going to be petite! About the only thing he was willing to show us was his *ahem* boy parts. Again, and again, and again. I may have to speak to him about some modesty issues. I have probably 4 pictures of his little fetus penis.

Yep. More proof he's a boy.

Lets see now... Any other news.. hmm..

Well, okay. Here is an interesting story: Yesterday I was int he dining hall, and I am tapped on the shoulder by one of the cooks who says, "So... you're the pregnant one who fainted in here! How are you doing?"

Well, I guess I am "the pregnant one" around these parts.

Me: "I'm doing fine, just getting some food."
Cook: "You're planning on breastfeeding, right?"

Apparently this is everybody's business. Even the pasta cook's.

Me: "Yeah, I'm going to try to."
Cook: "Thats great! But you should really be working on your grammar. Your baby will pick up those bad habits from you. Its not correct to end a sentence with a preposition."

I actually laughed at this point. I'm pretty sure that if the worst grammar thing my kid picks up from me is ending sentences iwth prepositions, I'll be okay. And, after all, this is coming from a cook whom I have spoken maybe 20-30 words to the entire time I've lived here... And now she is giving me advice.

I'd known this would happen, but at the same time... I didn't expect it from the UDS cook. Oh well, que sera, sera. At least she didn't try to touch my stomach with her icky rubber gloves.