Things people have said to me:

People say stupid things to me. Here are things people have said to me that made me laugh. Some will be left anonymous so as not to embarrass the people I actually know.

1. Check out lady at Target, while I was still pregnant. (To Jared in high pitch voice) "Aren't you excited? You're going to have a little brother!"

2. Creepy bum outside 24 hour CVS. "You must have money, you have a baby. Spare some change for my bus fare?"

3. "Where did your belly go?" - Stupid blonde girl I used to have classes with whose name I can't recall, said while I was holding Oliver, then 2 weeks old.

4. "Its almost like he is a tiny human being." - Woman waiting at pharmacy.

5. "Nursing hurts your nips like a bitch, doesn't it!?" - Large black woman with a grill, while I was nursing O in public.

6. "I read your blog." -Alain, at Oliver's first party.

7. "Will that just fall off later, or what?" - Friend commenting on the uncircumsized nature of my son's penis.

8. "You know that means he'll be a porn star later, right?" -Separate friend commenting on uncircumsized son's penis.

9. "Its amazing nipples can do that and not break." - Relative, while I was pumping breastmilk.

10. "Isn't it great to know that there is life in your breasts?" - Target check out lady, after asking if I was breastfeeding. I don't exactly understand what she meant by that.

11. "I call that one Sally" - Jared, after I asked him which breast's turn it was.

12. "He looks like Grover Cleveland without the mustache." - Kind Old Man.

Reflux, what have you done with my baby!?

Hmm. I've skipped a lot of stuff. My apologies for htat. Its jsut such a pain in the butt to post anything because my internet could be outrun by Oliver, who would actually get around quite well if he learned not to drag his head. (Why does he drag his head? I don't know. He can lift it up just fine. I usually only need to support his head while he's sleeping. So... you'd think when he is so busy trying to crawl to fall off of the edge of the bed, he'd hold his head up but.. no. Thats not how he rolls. Its like he only wants to move when there is a chance of him a.) reaching my dirty floors or b.) falling off whatever object I've placed him on.)

Here is what you've missed:

1. Umm.. about a pound and a half. He is an ounce shy of being a 12 pounder.
2. He rolls! Well... mostly. Only from his stomach to his back. He pushes up on his arms and basiclly throws his head to one side and the momentum knocks him onto his back. At least he knows how to use his big head to his advantage. Smart. :)
3. I've ordered his photos, so you should be getting them soon. You guys are like wolves when it comes to baby pictures.
4. He got thrush, and also he has reflux. He has been cranky. I was starting to get upset with him constantly crying, but now that I know its because he is owie I feel better. We started him on his baby Zantac today so we hsould be seeing an improvement soon. It was trying btu I'm feeling a lot better about it now.

I'd like to write more but the internet guy is here and Jared is going to write a lab report on the computer. BUT: here are the things that have gotten us through the crying:

1. SwaddleMe... I can't say how much I love those things.
2. Graco noise maker. YES, we spent money on something that makes noise. We call it the alien pod. He loves it and sleeps better with it on. Unfortunately, that means Jared & I also get to listen to its creepy heartbeat sounds NONSTOP.
3. Pump in Style. Dang, pumping is easier sometimes than feeding screaming baby. Pump in Style allows me to pump in style, if that style is nipples that are sucked to a grosteque size and shape. But anyway... it works well and I love it.
4. Neglector & Neglectron. That is what we've nicknamed the swing and the bouncy seat. They let us take a shower, or sometimes even eat dinner with both hands. Amazing.
5. Moby wrap. He loves the moby. Its a bit of an act to get it on, but once he is in it he stays happy for hours. Its worth looking a bit like an idiot putting it on in the grocery store.

Also.. next post I will 0try to tell you the Epic Poop Story. It was a poop like never before, and it deserves to be immortalized in type.

Ode to Jared

Jared is sick so he's kind of out of commission so I am going to write a list of good things about him that I can remind myself of while I deal with piles of Kleenex and whining for chicken noodle.

Here goes, top ten reasons Jared is an awesome dad:

1. As soon as he comes home from school, he washes his hands and immediately goes to pick up the baby and say hello.
2. He wakes up at night and brings Oliver to me for feedings so I don't have to get out of bed.
3. He takes out the bags of poop diapers to the trash when the diaper pail is full.
4. He sings songs to Oliver that actually make him stop crying.
5. He will do everything I do for Oliver, even though sometimes it takes him a lot longer.
6. He says "goodnight" and "I love you" to Oliver at bedtime.
7. He pretends to speak for Oliver and says "I love you, mommy, but I pooped!"
8. He watched almost ten pounds of baby come out of me and he said it was really cool to see. But even after watching that, he still says I look good even though I smell like breastmilk, my stretchmarks are still angry looking, and I don't have any clothes that fit me well.
9. He asks if I could hold off on giving O a bath because he wants to do it when he gets home from school.
10. Even though our lives have gotten a lot harder and he has to juggle his school work, he is always saying how glad he is that Oliver is here and how happy he is to be a family.

I love you, Jared! Feel better soon. :)

This is going to be a rough week.

Well.. I'm tired. Jared is tired. Our babysitting recruits are all sick so we're kind of stuck toughing it out on our own.

I'm getting tired of the house being all messy and I just wish all of this laundry could get done. We got a notice in the mail last weekend saying that I was denied MA. Thats just great. Why was I denied? Because I'm not a legal citizen and I have other health insurance? Both of those things are incorrect. I ahve to file an appeal now, but I don't really understand how, so I have to go in to the social workers at the Student Parent Help Center. They'll help me get it all figured out, but in the mean time its just one more thing I have to do.

Apparently the hospital found out that I was denied before I did because I've started getting bunches of bills asking me to pay the full amount. Besides those bills, I've got our usual bills & utilities to pay. It sucks to just have a pile of bills sitting on the counter waiting to be paid, its very stressful.

Stress has been the name of the game this weekend, too. Jared has three midterms this week so he was literally studying all weekend long. That meant that I couldn't unload the baby onto him too often, and that we didn't get any time to just relax and watch a movie together or anything.

Yesterday evening was horrible. I drove to the store (again!) and I was so tired that I just kept driving and driving until I realized that I wasn't heading in the right direction anymore. Then when I got to the store it was PACKED with people and I forgot what I was there for and I really wanted to start crying in the baby section. I managed to get it all together to finish my shopping and things were going better, but then a bunch of other little things went wrong. The toilet got clogged again, I ran out of dishsoap and couldn't find the new bottle I got, Oliver decided he was only happy if somebody was holding him.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when I had to nurse on lefty and Oliver got latched on wrong. My left side was already sore from an earlier time when I made a loud noise while he was nursing and he jerked his head (with my nipple in his mouth) when he startled. Then he had his mouth clamped onto just my nipple and it hurt so much that I wasn't thinking right and I just tried to pull my boob away without breaking suction first. For those that have never breastfed before, that really hurts. A lot. It made me cry. So then last night when he got latched on incorrectly to my already sore nipple I just couldn't do it anymore. I sort of just gave up on taking care of Oliver or anything else for the night. I just needed a break.

Jared was really sweet to me about it all. I went to bed and slept through O's late night feeding. Jared gave him a bottle and I got to rest for a while without having the anxiety of wondering when the baby monitor was going to go off next. I feel more rested today but I don't know how long it will last because Jared will be unavailable all day today. He stayed up all night studying & taking care of Oliver, now he is taking a test, then he will come home to take a nap, and then he will go back onto campus to take another test.

But ANYWAY. I'm tired of thinking about that so here is a list of things that have helped me a lot in taking care of Oliver. For the pregnant folk who read this blog, you may want to take note:

1. SwaddleMe blanket wraps. Oliver sleeps ten times longer if he's wrapped up in a swaddle, but he can break out of every brand except the SwaddleMe brand. Next time I go to Babies R Us I'm going to pick up another one because he keeps pooping on them.

2. Lansinoh lanolin. Ever since left boob's trauma, the Lansinoh has really helped to make it feel better. It smells and looks nasty but it works.

3. Itzbeen timer. This might sound useless, but Itzbeen is basically a bunch of timers that count how long it has been since the last time you changed a diaper, fed him, etc. I honestly can't remember the last tiem I did anything so its good to know the last time he ate so I can decide if he is fussing to eat or fussing because he's just unhappy. It also has a little switch on it to remind you which side you should nurse on next. Incredibly useful.

4. MyBrestFriend nursing pillow. This pillow is way better than the Boppy pillow. The Boppy is too rounded and the baby either rolls off the pillow or rolls too far forward towards me. The BrestFriend is flat and firm so O can just lie all comfy on his side with perfect access to my boobs. PLUS! The bonus to this pillow is that it straps on around my back so that I can stand up and move around without really disturbing his nursing session too much. I just wish that the BrestFriend was easier to find, because I want another cover to fix all of the leaking and laundry problems I have with it.

5. Warmy pack. Having the warm pack has been great. I've used it on my back. I've used it to cuddle up to for a nice sleep. The best use for it is on my boobs. If I put heat on my boobs, I'm able to pump a significantly larger quantity in a shorter amount of time. Plus it feels good.

6. Dr. Brown's bottles. O has become a bottle snob and he likes the Dr. Brown's ones the best. He'll take the Avent bottles also but 1. he seems to swallow more air with them because he burps a bunch after using them and 2. I have a hard time using them without having them leak. I already ahve breast milk leaking out of my boobs, I don't need it leaking out of the bottle too.

Hmm.. I wonder when I'll get the chance to end a blog on my own times. Oliver is awake and hungry again. So, I guess I'll post again later. Wish us luck on making it through this week.

My life running the Breastraunt.

Okay. Its been a long time again since I've posted, but I promised a breastfeeding post so here it is! But before I give you the inside scoop, here are the menial details of Oliver's and my life since the last time you heard from me.

1. His stump fell off, so he got his first bath! I'll get those pictures onto the computer to be sent out to y'all... umm... sometime. Did he like it? No. He hated it and he peed. A lot.

2. He now weighs 10 pounds 8 ounces. Thats a lot. He was only supposed to have regained his birthweight by now. What a solid boy.

3. I got his photos taken professionally on Sunday. A few of the pictures have been posted ont he photographer's website, but the rest will be finished in a few days. If you request the password from me, you can look at them all and put in orders if you'd like some prints.

4. I went somewhere without Oliver for the first time since he was born. It was so weird to be away from him, and even though it was just for a couple of hours I missed him.

NOW! Breastfeeding.

Where does one start in on the discussion of breastfeeding? I don't know. I'm pretty lucky because I haven't had any real problems with it. My nipples haven't cracked, bled, blistered... Nothing like that. When I've spoken with the other new mommies about breastfeeding, they give me evil glares. They are jealous of how awesome my nipples are. :)

My challenges with breastfeeding? I leak. A lot. At night, when Oliver wakes up for his feeding, I am lying in a puddle of my own cold breast milk nine times out of ten. My bedroom smells like rancid breast milk, which smells EXACTLY like puppy breath. (Probably because puppies only drink dog breast milk and their teeth never get brushed. So... if you want to imagine my bedroom's smell, think puppy breath.)

I got a waterproof mattress cover to save my mattress, but I can't think of any way to save my sheets. I sleep on towels and I wear breast pads but alas there is no damming my breastmilk river. I've had to put more blankets on the bed because being soaked with cold breastmilk makes me freeze. All of my milky bedsheets add to the mountains of laundry I've got, so I'm trying to figure out some sort of algorithm as to when I should change my sheets. How long should I suffer with the milk stink before I strip off the sheets and wash them again?

Something else that is sort of a problem is that, well, I spray. I don't know how many times I've squirted breastmilk all over Oliver's face. I wasn't really aware that one could spray breast milk, but IT HAPPENS. The first time I sort of freaked out. Now I am kind of amused by it. As embarressing as it is to admit, I have actually sat down and milke myself to see how far I could squirt. (The answer? At least 4 feet. NO LIES.) Nobody told me that you can milk yourself in such a way that it sprays out in all directions. I think that is something I would have liked to know going into this so, hey, now you know.

Other things I'd like to have known about breastfeeding:

A.) Your boobs get hot. Not sexy hot, either. Like.. flaming hot. Mojave desert hot. I don't know why that is but its a bit unnerving if you don't expect it. It does, thankfully, go away.

B.) It is a time sucker. You couldn't even imagine the time you'll spend grabbing your boobs, massaging your boobs, cleaning the various boob pump accessories, trying to snap the various closures on the oh-so-sexy nursing bras. Your life becomes centered around your boobs, because your baby is OBSESSED with them. Seriously.

C.) People will ask you nonstop if you are breastfeeding. I think if I had said no to some people I might have been knifed. People are REALLY all up in your business about how you feed your baby.

I would've liked to write more, but Oliver woke up and its time to open up shop at The Breastraunt again. I'll leave you with this:

I have gotten so used to baby poop that when I got some on my arm last night, I just sort of studied it. It was shaped exactly like the state of Alaska, and that intrigued me.

(I did eventually wash it off. No worries.)

Finally found time to post

****WARNING**** If you don't want to know the nasty gory details of giving birth, don't read this post. Don't complain to me if you do read it and think I've disclosed too much; you've been forewarned. I wanted to share everything for the people out there who are still pregnant and might want to hear what the whole labor/birth process really can be like. ****WARNING****

Okay! I don't know where to start. Obviously a lot has happened so there is a lot to say but its going to be hard to remember everything and then arrange everything into a coherent post. I'll try my best.

Today Oliver is a week old. I checked into the hospital Tuesday morning and he finally came out Wednesday afternoon at 3:15. The delivery room was really terrible.. my window was boarded up so I had no concept of time at all, it just seemed to last forever. The cervidil was really icky and I hated it, but it did eventually get my contractions going. I tried to hold out as long as I could for my drugs, but sometime in the middle of the night I took sleeping pills and a shot of morphine to help me sleep.

I think maybe the morphine was a mistake. I was so out of my mind that I just felt kind of crazy and out of control.  Even with all of the drugs, the pain was too much for me to sleep so I was just lying around drugged out and half conscious. I remember getting really scared every time Jared moved because I had to have him right there with me and I didn't want him to leave. I don't think I could have done it without him, actually. It made me feel good to know he was there the whole time, he was really a good support.

Sometime in the morning they put me on the pitocin drip because my contractions weren't regular enough. The pitocin really made things hurt ten times worse, but it did give me contraction after contraction. Around 5 cm I couldn't take it anymore so I asked for the epidural, spinal headache be damned. They were about to change shifts so they asked me to wait for the new doctor, so I said okay. Of course, the shift changed and they forgot about me so I was waiting for a very long time and I was not happy. Then they finally came in and said they would page the anesthesiologist. That took another hour for her to come and get all set up, and when she got there all I could think was:

"Seriously? You're kidding me, right?"

She was in training. She didn't know what she was doing. I have a history of spinal headaches and they let a trainee stick a needle into my spine. It was the most unnerving thing in the world because she took so long that I had 6 contractions during which I had to remain absolutely still. It isn't easy. It was terrifying. You never want to hear the person ask "Does this look right? Am I in?"

She finally finished and got me all taped up but I couldn't feel any relief. They tried to make it seem like, "Hey! Don't worry! sometimes these things take time to kick in!" but I knew it didn't work. I jsut knew it. She left and said "I'll be right back" but of course she wasn't right back. The nurses are never "right back." She finally came back and checked to see if I was numb and obviously I could tell her, no... I don't feel numb at all. They had to page the stupid anesthesiologist to try again, which took forever. I was going to ask for the real doctor to do the second epidural, but the real doctor was in surgery so there was nothing I could do but be jabbed again by the stupid trainee. I just wanted to cry, and I might have, I don't know. It was remarkably difficult to hold the epidural position to start out with, but then to have more contractions and pain on top of that was really horrible. Thankfully, the second epidural worked sort of and I was able to get some sleep. I could still feel things I shouldn't have felt, but it was so much better than before that I wasn't about to ask for another one.

The rest of the morning/afternoon I was just lying around eating Popsicles and complaining to Jared.  At some point I started to feel like I was pooping all over myself, but it was actually just gross giant bloody clots coming out. I really was paranoid that I was pooping so I kept bugging Jared but every time the nurses just said "No, you're not pooping."

At around 1:45 I was able to start pushing. Pushing actually felt like a relief because I was able to do something about the pain. I really had no idea how long I was pushing, but it seemed to be forever and I just got to be completely exhausted. Jared and a nurse held my legs. The nurse was horrible, I wanted to stab her. Between every contraction she would turn and click away on the computer and jerk my leg to the side. When something as big as a baby's head is coming out of your crotch, the last thing you want is to have somebody jerking your legs around. Even in labor I was still too polite to yell at her so instead I yelled at Jared for rubbing my leg. Poor Jared.

Finally, he started to crown and that was a remarkably horrible pain. Unbeknownst to me, Oliver had his arm up on his face so I had to push out his head and his arm at the same time. His head was so huge that there were multiple contractions with his head partway out of me. It is a real wonder that he doesn't have a cone head at all. After his head and his one arm were out, the one shoulder came out with a pop and the rest of him sort of came sliding out. They put him up on my tummy and let me touch him and hold him while they rubbed him clean. I pulled him all teh way up to my chest and the midwife commented on how long his cord was. I just sort of stared at him and wanted to cry. I didn't even notice Jared cutting the cord or anything else going on.

When they took him away to measure him and test him, it was just like I was immediately relieved. I wasn't passed out and drugged out of my mind, I was able to talk and be sort of normal. It was a really weird feeling to look over and see his feet kicking while the nurse measured him. It was weird to see him actually outside of me as a real person, and it was weird that he was mine.

The nurse kept saying how big he was and all I kept thinking was... Yeah. I know. I told you so.  He was 9 lbs 14 oz, 22 inches long with a head circumference of 15".  We were told the average head circumference is about 13". With pushing out his head and his arm at the same time, you can understand why I'm still a little sore.

Delivering the placenta was easy, but gross. It felt like a ziploc of Jell-O just plopping out of me. I asked to look at it and all Jared said was.. "Uh.. honey, are you sure you want to see it?" Of course I did, no matter how gross it was.  I mean really, it was disgusting but it was also pretty cool, too, despite the weird smell.

During the delivery I sustained a second degree tear so the midwife set to work stitching me up. Being stitched was a weird feeling because it actually hurt a lot more than I thought it would. You would think that after pushing his head and arm out that a few stitches would be nothing, but they bothered me more than they should have.

They bathed Oliver and had me try to pee before going up to the recovery room. I was still too drugged up to walk so they forwent the peeing and wheeled me upstairs anyway. I could tell I was about to pee myself, so they brought me in a portable little potty chair and helped me flop onto it, and I have never peed more in my life. It just kept coming and coming and the nurse was thrilled with my ability to pee. I guess I'm a good pee-er. For the record, though, that was the worst pee of my life. The stitches were horrid and all kinds of nasty plopping clots came falling out of me.

The rest of hte hospital stay was pretty good. We had Oliver rooming in with us so we got plenty of time to get to know him before bringing him home. Luckily, Oliver & I have been pretty good a nursing. The staff was very impressed by how much he pooped in the hospital. He graduated from nasty meconium to orange-yellow baby poo before we even got home. I haven't gotten cracked or bleeding nipples or anything, and now as of a week later they're barely tender at all.

Having him home with us has been going pretty smoothly, aside from some problems with the apartment. While I was in the hospital a pipe in our bathroom ceiling broke and was leaking above our toilet. I called the landlord from the hospital but the problem wasn't fixed until we were home with Oliver. We had to juggle being in and out of the house because we didn't want O to be around all of the construction dust from the holes they cut int he ceiling. 

All apartment issues aside, though, things have been (knock on wood) easier than I thought. I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to take care of him and that breastfeeding would be really hard but thus far I'm feeling pretty confident.  Oliver has regained his birthweight already (which they don't expect until he is two week old, not one) and he seems to be a pretty content baby so I can sort of relax now. He has been sleeping for 4 hour stretches through the night so we've been able to get a decent amount of sleep, which I think helps a lot.

Sometimes things do get a bit emotional though, but since I know its normal I'm trying not to worry too much. Sometimes I can just look at Oliver and cuddle him and it makes me tear up, even though I'm not at all sad. There is a woman on The Biggest Loser who had her 2 week old baby killed in a car accident and that made me cry. Sad stories on the news bother me a lot more right now. Its really inconvenient because when I get all emotional my milk lets down and I drip onto my shirt. Jared has been really supportive of me though and even when I'm crying because of the kittens on TV he's very understanding.

Jared has been a great dad. Its easy to see that he really really loves Oliver. At first he was very worried to handle him and hold him but he is getting more and more confident as time goes on. Jared changes his fair half of diapers and gets up at night more often than I do. He always brings him in to me to nurse so I don't have to get out of bed as often. Oliver loves his daddy and knows who is Daddy and who isn't. I truly feel like having Oliver here has made Jared & I even closer, despite all of the extra work he entails. I know its going to get harder but for right now I can honestly say I am happy with where my life is at, even if its not hwat I planned and I don't know what the future will bring. 

Later I'm going to write about breastfeeding and what its been like to wake up in cold puddles of rancid smelling breastmilk, but for now I'm going to get myself dinner before he wakes up. O & I are going to a coffee shop tonight with a friend of mine, so we're both pretty excited to get out. Email for pictures if you haven't gotten any, I'm not sure if Jared wants me to post any photos of Oliver or not.

(PS! I am wearing a pair of normal jeans that are only 1 inch waist size too big for me. Its exciting, and I only have one pair of maternity long pants that fit me.)

update via jared

10:40 7 cm dilated, our little unit of resistance should be here today!