We've been rockin' it this summer.

Leopard at the Minnesota Zoo wanted to eat the baby.

Insert some "nest egg" joke here.

Colin enjoying the leaves.

Playing at Valley Fair.

You can tell he's the neglected second child - always in the stroller!

Tiny race cars are hard to look dignified in.

Getting ready to jump "higher than my bed!"

A particularly enjoyable planter at the Minnesota State Fair.

The stuffed bear Jared wanted to buy.

So, I like grey.  It was just a(n often occuring) coincidence that I wore grey stripes, the baby wore grey stripes, the carrier is grey, and my nail polish was grey.

Australia.

When Oliver was born, Jared and I spent a lot of time looking at Oliver. I think we were wondering what we should do with him. He was small and needy. Jared & I were just figuring out adult living skills like grocery shopping and bill paying and waking up before noon. We were slightly terrified.

During one of those moments of newborn baby-staring, Jared made a promise to Oliver. He said,

"We'll kick ass and go on adventures. Oliver and Daddy. I promise."

We haven't forgotten that.

That promise is ultimately why we decided to throw caution to the wind and board a plane for Australia with our two kids. We know that neither of them will remember this trip but we're setting a precedent for future adventures and ass kicking. If we can take this on and survive, then we can do just about anything, right?

Everyone we spoke to before the trip either hinted or said outright that we were crazy. Crazy to take our two babies on a 15+ hour flight. Crazy to spend that money on people who won't remember it. Crazy to face wicked jet-lag for a ten day vacation.

Maybe we were crazy. Maybe we are crazy.


But at least Colin & Oliver are going to grow up knowing that when an opportunity presents itself, you jump in and take it. The best things in life take a little bit of guts and agony.

Because if you're not kicking ass and going on adventures, then what is your life for?

Allow me to present to you in full photographic glory, Australia: Kicking Ass and Going on Adventures.

Hitting the beach hours after landing.

Learning to paddleboard.

Jared & I on Mount Tamborine.

Rainforest hikers.

Proof that we saw whales.

The most easterly point of Australia.

Jared celebrating at the Crystal Palace.

Family more or less looking in one direction.

Giant Buddha at Crystal Palace.

Colin in his baby limo.

Oliver petting a kangaroo at Currumbin Wildlife Sanctuary.

"So I says to the guy..."

"Do T-rex arms like the kangaroo!"

Feeding the wild lorikeets.

Jared overcoming his fear of birds.

Getting ready for our night hike to see the glow worm cave.

Colin feeding an emu.

Photo op on Mount Warning.

Sleeping on the long flight home.

Colin's accommodations on the flight were much nicer than the rest of ours, and he didn't even have a paid seat on the plane.

(As always, you can click on the photos to view them larger.)

"I like you. Stay here with me."

Last week as I was driving in our car with its broken radio, I reached a minor epiphany. I've been so busy since Colin was born that there hasn't been much time for reflecting. I'm always caring for somebody and in the moments that I'm not, I'm taking care of myself. Jared and I are eating together and unwinding after putting the kids to bed. I'm watching that movie I wanted to see 2 years ago. The laundry is running, the vacuum cleaner is on, the oven is cooking our dinner. Company's coming over. Everything is constant motion and noise. I've been living in the eye of the hurricane for so long that I forgot that if I were to look out, I'd see the world spinning around me. It's thrilling. It's dizzying.

When I found myself flying down the highway in silence on a beautiful sunny day, everything slammed into me at once. I almost wanted to cry at all of the things that came bubbling up out of my subconscious. All I could think was, wow, this is so amazing. My life is so amazing. How did I ever find myself here? How can my menial life be so fulfilling?

Trust me. I know this sounds ridiculous. Younger-me would slap present-me in the face for saying things so saccharine and gushing. Truly. I know that this sounds cliche but I can't think of any other way to express this feeling of joy in this ordinary life that I've got.

Sometime this past year I started to truly see Oliver as a person. I never appreciated how smart and how perceptive he is until he started being able to communicate with me so well.  I can drive the familiar routes to Grandma's house, to Chuck E Cheese's, to Target and he knows where we're going. If I take a detour or make a wrong turn he will speak up from the backseat, "Mom, you're going the wrong way!"

He interacts so lovingly with Colin. I take such pleasure in watching the two of them when they think they're alone.  I came out of the shower one afternoon to find Oliver nose to nose with Colin. He was whispering,

"Don't go back in Mom's belly again, Colin. I like you. Stay here with me."

Colin is here is because of Oliver. We didn't want Oliver to be alone. We wanted Oliver to have somebody to love and share life with, somebody who is on his level who's got a similar perspective.  Now he's got that. It sounds silly but they're already friends. I can see how they respond to each other in such an organic, easy way. It is amazing to watch  how naturally they take to each other. Nothing is forced. They just somehow know that they're together and that they belong that way. Colin smiles if Oliver even glances in his direction. Oliver comes running if he hears Colin beginning to cry. "It's okay, Colin. Are you hungry? Do you want to see my trucks? Here, here's your blanket."

Having raised Oliver through infancy and babydom, I can now see and appreciate more intelligence in Colin. He still can't do much but I notice the way he is always watching us. I speak to him and he stares so intensely at me that I can feel his thoughts. I know he's trying to process what I'm saying. I know that the coos and the smiles are just the tiniest tip of the iceberg of what will come from him, because I've seen it once before. I know what's coming. I know there's  that spark inside of him somewhere that will one day explode and knock me flat on my back in sudden realization one ordinary Thursday afternoon. Maybe in another couple of years I will be driving in a car with a broken radio and it will be Colin who breaks the silence to say, "Mom, you're going the wrong way!"


To think that I created these people and constructed this life for them is amazing. That I'm even a small part responsible for who those people are and who they will become is mind-blowing. I always thought that the "one person can make a difference" line was a bunch of kumbayah fed to children. But it isn't. I am making the world better by putting my kids into it and I can see that now. I'm doing my best at helping them to become the best people they can be and I feel so proud of myself. A family is such a plain, ordinary gift to the world, but I'm giving it. I know the world will be better for it.

Last month Jared & I celebrated our one year anniversary. We've been a family for longer than a year but it's been one year of our legal union. That morning when I woke up next to Jared, and the words "Happy Anniversary" stuck to the roof of my mouth like peanut butter. It was so bizarre to think about. It went so fast. The date snuck up on me and jumped out from behind the door frame to shout, "SURPRISE! Remember your wedding? Yeah. That was over a year ago."

My hand still forgets to sign my new name. My tongue forgets the word "husband" and slips back to the familiar "boyfriend." Yet somehow there is a permanent indentation around my ring finger. There's a smiling baby boy who wasn't there before. There is a roof above my head that we bought and turned into our home.  The evidence is there if I look, but it's still hard to believe.

Old people were always spouting platitudes about how fast life goes by. As a kid you never want to believe it. You don't want to think that the old timers know better than you. You feel like time lasts for forever because it seems that school will never let out for the summer, that you'll never get your driver's license, and you'll never turn 21. But then you stop looking ahead to the future and start noticing the things happening around you in the present and suddenly time washes over you and sweeps you away.

I never thought I'd be this way, but here I am, and I'm so glad. This lifestyle is so intoxicating.

Say "Cheese!"

 Today we had an impromptu photo shoot in the middle of folding laundry. Sometimes babies just demand attention.

"Look at me, Colin!"

"Smile!"

"SMILE!"

The smiles just keep coming.

Two children.

Colin is a month old. His favorite activities are still umm.. eating. Sleeping. Pooping. He sleeps through the night, 7 or so hours at a stretch. He's a social baby. He doesn't like it when no one is paying attention to him. He loves to stare at people's faces as they talk to him. He's even starting to make some  (non-crying) noises himself, sometimes.


His gross peely skin, greasy acne, cradle cap days are coming to an end. Unfortunately, things are deteriorating in the balding & receding hairline departments, but...  they make baby toupees, right?

The best part about him being a month old is that.. he can smile! He smiles mostly for me but also sometimes for Jared and Oliver. You can tell he's still working on it and that smiling must be pretty difficult because he has to screw up his whole face before the smile turns on. It's the littlest bit ridiculous.

He has the same love for his crib mobile that Oliver did when he was a baby. Colin smiles at the mobile without fail. Sometimes when I can't comfort him with holding and rocking and bouncing, the mobile is the only thing that works. And I'm okay with him choosing the mobile over me. Because you know what? I leave him in his crib and I can take a shower. Eat lunch. Make a phone call.

It's not a bad deal, being second favorite to the mobile.

Colin also really enjoys watching Oliver. It may have something to do with Oliver's constant noise and motion. What really surprises me, though, is that Oliver likes Colin too. Oliver likes to soothe him and asks to hold him and hug him. Oliver tries to help me dress and diaper Colin. Oliver is usually very patient when Colin cries. I expected some huge battle for attention, but aside from a few rough days, it's blessedly absent.

MY CHILDREN ACTUALLY GET ALONG, YOU GUYS.

(For now. Today. At this second. For all I know, tomorrow I might walk in and find Oliver trying to smother the baby but I'll take what I can get.)

Suburbia.

This afternoon as we were out eating lunch on our deck, I had the realization that our life suddenly became very Norman Rockwellian.

We have a nice four bedroom home in a safe family-oriented neighborhood. I stay at home and cook dinner for my husband so that we can eat together as a family when he's done with work. We have two young, healthy children. We have a deck with patio furniture and a grill and a lazy family dog.

Deck with patio furniture.

Lazy family dog.

I am able to sit out on my deck and eat chunks of watermelon and look out at this on a beautiful day:

Landscaped suburbia.

It isn't lost on me that I have a good life. We're healthy, we're not in debt, and we're dealing very well with the cards we've been dealt. We went from "be-shamed-young-unwed-college-parents" to a normal, "legitimate" middle class family in the blink of an eye. I am grateful, really I am.

BUT. Yesterday I was terribly missing my sister who lives (literally) halfway around the world. I miss being able to call her up and talk to her. I miss being able to take a two day road trip to go stay with her. I've been waiting for her to return to the US, but that isn't going to happen for some time. As a compromise, I wanted to go see her in Australia while she is on leave from work. I looked into buying tickets and realized it'd cost us $3,000 to make it there. And $3,000...? Well, that's a lot of money to us.


Jared and I have always wanted to see Australia. I miss my sister and I want to go spend time with her. A trip like that would more than likely be a once in a lifetime experience. I believe in spending money on experiences and memories vs material things that just clutter up the house over time...

But.

With all of that being said, that's still a lot of money. That's a few mortgage payments. Months of groceries. A down payment on a family-sized vehicle we'll soon be needing. Furniture for our largely-empty new house. Payment in full on the hospital bills from Colin's birth.

Pre-children, I wouldn't have hesitated a moment to buy those plane tickets. I was the kind of person who spent money on what I wanted, when I wanted and I had a good time. When I didn't have money? Well, that's just how it was. I sought out free entertainment and lived on the cheap until more money came my way. I didn't particularly mind being broke. The repercussions for running out of money weren't such a big deal. If I had money? Great. I had fun spending it. If I didn't have money? That's okay, I found my fun anyway.

Now I can't really do that. I'm careful not to run out of money and eat into our savings. The repercussions for being broke are too great now. We have to pay the mortgage, the utilities, the phone. We have to make sure we can feed ourselves and two kids with healthy food. There is a family pet to take care of. We have to make sure the kids have clothes and toys and that we can pay for all of their doctor visits. We have to plan for a rainy day when we're responsible not only for ourselves, but two completely dependent human beings. Being broke wouldn't be so easy now.

Having a family meant that I gave up a lot. Or maybe that's not quite the right way to phrase it. It's not that I gave up a lot, but that I chose to take different things. I chose our awesome family over a life of parties and jetsetting and glamorous youth. Two very different lifestyles were put in front of me and I chose this one. There's nothing wrong with that. I'm not unhappy with that. I hardly ever even think about it because I'm content with my decision and I'm enjoying my life as it is now. The last thing I'm doing is complaining.

But every once in a while something comes up that makes me wonder about the grass on the other side. This time, what made me wonder was the price of an Australia-bound flight. How different would things be without our kids?

Kid.

Kid.

Kids.

I don't know what we'll do about the trip to Australia. Maybe we'll go and maybe we won't. It really made me think, though.