I admit I was naive.

Unrelated photo.

Lies I told myself about parenting, dedicated to Matt & Rachel:

1. My house will not fill up with plastic baby shit accoutrements.
2. I won't take my child with me to the grocery store/mall/doctor's office.
3. My child won't scream when I take him with me to the grocery store/mall/doctor's office.
4. I won't be the person blocking the aisles of the grocery store/mall/doctor's office with my stroller.
5. I will leave my child with a sitter and still go on regular dates with my significant other.
6. I will never take my child out in something so ugly/dirty/tacky with their face/hair so unkempt.
7. I will still be spontaneous! and fun!
8. I'll still hang out with my childless friends as if nothing has changed.
9. I won't leave the house with vomit/feces on my clothing. I will still shower every day.
10. My house will not fill up with plastic baby shit accoutrements.

Considering how small NYC living is, you're screwed. :)

Love,

Me, these two children, and all of their plastic shit in my living room, bathroom, and kitchen.