Friday, September 30, 2011

Houses need a lot of stuff

I started doing an inventory of the tiny things that the house needs and the list is getting pretty long. Kind of like how my Christmas lists were when I was 12. I wanted everything. Now my house is a greedy 12 year old whining for fancy things like light bulbs. And blinds. DOESN'T OUR HOUSE KNOW THERE ARE DEPRIVED HUTS IN AFRICA THAT DON'T EVEN HAVE FLOORS?!

Jeez, our house is self centered.

Anyway, on the off chance that any of you have this stuff laying around in your "give away" pile or want to give us a unique (read: useful, not boring at all!) housewarming/Christmas gift... well.. You know. I'm just throwing this out there. You know. HINT HINT.

1. Carbon Monoxide detectors (qty: 2)
2. Lightbulbs (The kind that destroy the environment, please. qty: 10-2,000)
3. A lawn mower. (Goats not allowed by our neighborhood association.)
4. Cut firewood. (Also, we appreciate people to haul in the firewood.)
5. New stair treads and risers. (And/or the labor to install them mostly straight like!)
6. A giant pretreated 2x4 to cross brace our deck. (What, everybody doesn't want that?)
7. A snow shovel. (For the servants to use, of course.)
8. New locks! (Because, trust us. We have soooo much stuff people wanna steal.)
9. Outdoor outlet plate cover.
10.  Blinds. (qty: 2. Believe it or not, we have blinds in every single room in the house but in two bedrooms, the places you'd think you'd want them the most.)
11. A closet door.
12.  A couch. (Or, you know, furniture in general.)
13.  Shower heads. (qty: 2. Why are there no shower heads in this house?)
14. A downspout gutter curve.
15. A microwave. (And, you know, while we're at it, it could be a stove/microwave hood combo.)

So, there you have it. Isn't that a great list? I probably only forgot an additional 50%.

Wednesday, September 28, 2011


 Frequently Oliver becomes obsessed with a word  or some tiny action for a week or so. Use of this word/action triggers uncontrollable laughter and/or shouting.  This week, his word is yikes. Through breakfast, bath time, story time...

"Watch out, (fill in the blank)! YIKESSSS!"

This is "Yikes" time in the bath tub today.

Monday, September 26, 2011

Buying a house.

It turns out that buying a house mostly means signing a lot of junk and making appointments with 30 billion people. It kind of sucks. I'm tired of doing all of this, but at least in less than 30 days it'll be done. I mean, hopefully. I assume. We've been really busy, and I'm behind a couple of posts but I'll be sure to get up our apple picking experience and his birthday party.

Oliver's birthday weekend went great, he had a lot of fun. Yesterday we told Oliver to find all of the pacifiers throughout the house and gather them into a ziploc. He found them all, put them in the bag, and then we went to the store to buy something with all of his old pacifiers.

"You don't need pacifiers anymore, Oliver. You're a big boy. You can get a big boy toy!"
"Uh huh."

We drove to Toys R Us with that sack of pacifiers and he walked all around the store looking at things. It was a tough decision between all the Thomas the Tank things and all manner of cars/trucks/construction vehicles but he finally chose a mine  addition to his Thomas set. He had a great time looking and "testing" all of the various things, but nothing compared to a mine that featured a waterfall and a talking Sir Topham Hatt.

I went ahead to explain to the cashier that our son would be handing over a bag of pacifiers as payment, and she totally accepted that. She did not think we were crazy. In fact, she was very nice about it.

Oliver plopped the bag down on the counter without hesitation and walked out with his new Thomas mine. He played with the toy while we ate dinner.

Then, last night at bed time, he didn't want to go to bed. He asked for the pacifiers, and I told him they were gone. I may also have spun the lie that they are going to be used for little babies who need them.

"Get back pacifiers! Get back pacifiers! Mine!"

I told him that if we got the pacifiers back, he'd have to lose his precious mine toy. When I said that, he decided he didn't need the pacifiers, after all. He did, however, continue to wheedle his way into a later bedtime. He's an excellent negotiator when you take his limited vocabulary into consideration.

"Stories? Please, mom. PLEAAASEE."
"Fine. One more, VERY short story."

After the story finished,
"Mom! Thirsty. Water, mom? Water? Thirsty..."
"Here is your water."
"Song? Sing songs?"
"I will sing you one song! Then I am leaving! That's it!"

The song ended, I got up to leave,
"MOOM... Diaper change. Diaper change."
"I just changed you. Goodnight."
(Muffled from the other side of the door after I walked out.) MOOOOMM. NOOOO.. NOOO, MOM!

He did, however, go to sleep. Eventually.

Thursday, September 22, 2011

Birthday Specialness

I've been building Oliver up for his party for weeks now. I want him to be excited to celebrate a day that is just his. I want him to know he is special and even though I try to show him every day, Saturday can be a day to go over the top. We can play trains and dance to music and he can have chocolate milk by the sippycupful.

We won't be celebrating very many holidays with him, so why not do birthdays big? I don't mean big as in expensive big, because presents aren't what he really needs. I mean big as in, this is a big deal! You are a big deal! I wouldn't miss this for the world! Today everyone will tell you how awesome you are and how happy we are that you're here!

He's been asking for cake and french fries for days now. The anticipation is about as great as it can be in a 2 year old with a next to nothing concept of time. We talk about how we're going to visit the zoo. How he can open presents and they will be his to keep. He knows people will call him so he can talk on the phone.

For at least a month we've been practicing the answer to, "How old will you be?" On Saturday I'm confident he will shout "I am two!"

I just can't wait to give him a day that is all happiness, even if he won't remember it. I want to see how excited he gets when he comes out of his room and there are streamers and presents and cake waiting for him. He brings so much happiness into other people's lives that you'd be crazy to say he doesn't deserve it. This kid deserves a million birthday days.

A wheel.

I was assembling Oliver's birthday gift (a balance bike) while he taking a nap. I heard him climbing out of bed and quickly threw a blanket over my progress, realizing only after Oliver made it to the living room that there was a wheel 5 feet away in the middle of the carpet.

Oliver immediately noticed it.

"Oh, Mom! A wheel! A wheel! A wheel!"
"Yes, it;s a wheel. I wonder where it came from. You need to go take your nap, now."
"Okay. Bed. Wheel."

He wanted to take the wheel to bed with him so he could play with it. I didn't know what to say so I said some sort of version of the truth.

"No, that wheel is for your birthday! You can't have it until you are 2. I'll get you water instead."

So now I put him back to bed thinking he's going to get a wheel for his birthday tomorrow. And you know what? I think he's probably satisfied with that gift.

Tuesday, September 6, 2011

If you hear Oliver yell, "Watch out!" you'd better duck.

Today is one of those days where I've been dragging to do nothing. Oliver, being the understanding child he is, decided that he would entertain himself this morning and put all of our clean silverware into the dishwasher. Then he closed it, turned it on, and came to me yelling "I DID IT!"

I said thanks and let it run, not wanting to get into the argument that would ensue if I told him he wasn't actually helping.

"Treat? A treat?"

He wanted a treat for "helping" me out. I said fine, you can have one cookie.

"Ok. Uh huh. Four cookies!"
"No. Just one cookie."
"Big cookie!"
"They're all the same size."
"No, BIGGGG cookie."

I handed him an Oreo from my personal secret stash and he said, "Oh, GREAT!" and ran off to eat it. Five minutes later he came back demanding more cookies. I said no. He yelled "YESSSS!!!" at the top of his lungs 5 inches from my face. He yelled so long and so loud that his face was red and his whole body was shaking with exertion. I tried to ignore him but really, that's pretty funny. I turned on the computer and told him I was busy.

He asked for a cup of water 5 minutes later, so I gave him one and he was appeased.  I went back to reading an article but was interrupted when I heard Oliver yell,

"Watch out, Mom!"

He threw the cup of water onto me and ran away laughing.

Friday, September 2, 2011

Exciting day.

When I woke up today I heard the construction people working outside our apartment and put my pillow over my head. Then I thought about it... Great! Construction! Oliver will have something to do today.

Without exaggeration, Oliver has been standing at the window watching the backhoe yelling, "Hi Scoops! Hi! WOWWW!" for an entire hour.

I took that as my chance to get some things done around the house, and it's gone pretty well. I came back to check on Oliver and see the progress of the pipe-laying to find that the senior neighbors are just as interested as Oliver. They're sitting out in the scooters or lawn chairs watching the action too. Those construction workers must feel like heroes.

This week we received word that HUD accepted an offer we put on a house. So, assuming we get a clear inspection back, we'll have a new house within 45 days. I asked Oliver if he wanted to move into the house and he said, "No, Grandma's!"

So.. that's where Oliver stands on the issue.  I think he'll like the house though, anyway.