We're home.

When we were discharged from the hospital on Friday, the nurse going over our discharge orders remarked multiple times about how calm we all were about going home with a newborn.

"You must have done this before, you look so relaxed!"

And really, somehow, I am. A few weeks ago I was panicking about how all of this would work but we've made it here and now I can finally remember: Oh yeah, we've got this. We're good at this.

Because we are. Jared and I? We make a great team. I am the boob-latching expert; he is the diaper-changing guru. We've done this before. We've done it well. The hospital was almost like a little vacation for us, because taking care of one sleepy newborn baby was so easy by comparison to our normal routine. We ordered Chinese takeout and had a date night in our hospital room with HGTV playing over the crappy hospital bed speakers.  It was one of the nicest nights we've had together in a long time.

On the drive home, we casually swung by Target to make a diaper run. (It's true, we had no newborn diapers. I didn't imagine a baby of mine could be so small.) When we pulled into our neighborhood, we saw that the road resurfacing work was going on right in front of our house. While we were carefully navigating our way through the neighborhood streets without wet asphalt, we heard William barf up a little bit and start coughing/choking on it. I stopped the car and Jared automatically unbuckled himself and leapt into the backseat to get William out of his car seat. Jared got him out just in time to get splattered in a second bout of baby barf. Then, as soon as William stopped choking, he curled his legs up, arched his back, and let out an explosive shit.

There are other, nicer, ways I could put it but let's be real. It was an explosive shit.

At that moment, pulled off to the side of a loud, active construction site in a car reeking of breastmilky vomit and hot asphalt, we both started laughing hysterically. Because this is our life. This is how things go. And let's be real:

It's pretty funny.

Once we were able to stop laughing, we continued the circuitous drive home and discovered that there was no way to get to our house except over freshly-laid asphalt. So we drove over it, leaving light tire indentations that forced the angry crew of steamrollers to drive over our tracks.

We smiled and waved with our barfy, poopy newborn as the steamrolling men drove by, then walked up to the house to find welcome home signs made by Colin & Oliver. And when I saw those signs I thought to myself, "Yeah. We've done well."

We are so fortunate to have such an amazing life right now. I don't know how I ever doubted us.

Ready to leave the hospital.

Taking a rest after eating.

Biggest brother Oliver and tiniest brother William.

Daddy, big brother Colin, little brother William.

Tiny 8 lb 13 oz baby and giant 2 lb 2 oz tomato from my garden.

One last baby.

The last member of our family decided to show up last Wednesday. This is William.

At 8 pounds and 12.6 ounces, he is by far the smallest of our boys. He decided to come out without an induction, and he was kind enough to be born in one contraction. He's a pretty considerate guy.

Oliver and Colin got to see him a couple hours after he was born. They both seemed to like him alright.

Since then, we've just been hanging out at the hospital watching mediocre home remodeling shows on TV.

After being admitted to the hospital, we finally figured out a name. His full name is William Sterling.

Does he look like a Will? A Bill? Who knows. Certainly not us.

We're waiting for some bilirubin test results before we can leave the hospital and head back home. So far, so good.

Pictures.

I've just been sitting here doing a bunch of nothing, so I don't really have anything exciting to report. The kids have been in swimming lessons. They're resurfacing our road. Nothing else going on here. Here are some photos from the last few weeks. 

Monkeys at the zoo.

Riding the tiger.

Caribou.

Dhole statue.

Excitement of World's Largest Lefse museum.

Colin eating a donut.

Colin br(e)aking the train car.

Oliver trying his best not to be afraid.

Oliver swimming (with a lifejacket) for the first time.

Colin watching from the safety of the boat.

Disappointment at asking for a snack and getting his picture taken instead.

We tried our best to selfie on the boat.

The favorite part of the cabin - the rock gathering grounds.

Colin in his country club golf attire.

Watching the monarch chrysalises hatch.

Local Touch-A-Truck event.

Operating a forklift without proper certification.

Tubing down the Cannon River.

Haul of tomatoes from earlier today.

 Happy Tuesday.

It's bodily functions all over the place.

Yesterday we started the earnest effort of potty training Colin. I'd been feeling guilty for months about him still being in diapers at 27 months old. Yesterday he didn't want to be chased down for a new diaper so we threw our hands up in the air and said, "Fine. Go in the potty."

Since then we've been filling his cup with juice and loading him up with fruit to make him go about a million times each hour. Yesterday there was a reasonable amount of pee on the floor, despite the fact that Colin never seemed to really leave the potty. But today? Maybe it's working. First thing this morning he peed a little on the floor, but had the presence of mind to stop and run to the potty to finish. Since then he's gone on the potty every single time, #1 & #2.

Which, I know, probably isn't that exciting for you. And you're probably thinking, "Why is she doing this the week before her new baby is due?"

Because I'm crazy. Because our house always seems crazy. Because I can't imagine it being less crazy after the baby is born.

So why not.

In order to make the entire household excited, I instated a rule where we all get to party with a square of Hershey's chocolate for every successful pee attempt. Oliver being on board makes Colin so much more excited, because everybody knows Oliver's opinion is more important than mine. When Colin did his half miss/half hit performance this morning, Oliver was upset that I was praising Colin even though some pee ended up on the floor.

Oliver: Good job? That's not a good job.
Me: Yes it is. He stopped peeing on the floor so he could pee on the potty.
Oliver: He failed.
Me: No he didn't! He's learning and doing a good job. That's not nice to say to him.
Oliver, to Colin: Fine, Colin. Good job of peeing on the floor.

You have take the compliments you can get from Oliver.  He calls 'em like he sees 'em.