Wednesday, February 16, 2011

How I win at going to the gym EVERY SINGLE TIME.

For a couple weeks now, I've been in a class at Life Time. We meet three days a week. It's just me, two guys, another lady, and our trainer. We do strength training and then we do cardio. Oliver hangs out in the childcare and gets to play with other kids.

When I first met with the trainer, she asked which class time I  was interested in joining. The words "8 o'clock" came out of my mouth before I even thought about how early that was. I accidentally thought with my logical brain, instead of my real life brain. I mean... yes... 8 AM is great for getting up, getting your workout done with, and being back in time for Oliver's nap.... but really? 8? In the morning? You're kidding me.

The first couple of times I dragged myself out of bed, I thought there was no way. 6:45 is just too early. I'll wake up at 6:45 when I'm in a nursing home and my bladder can't wait any longer. Until then? No thank you.

But then I did it anyway. And I did it again. And again. And I don't even think about it anymore. I get up at 6:45 and I don't even mind! You guys, I am a fricking superhero. Somebody give me a medal RIGHT NOW.

My first workout was rough. I was dying. I thought I was dying. The tiniest movement of almost any muscle in my body made my insides weep. I actually dropped Oliver because my arms gave up holding him. For a while, Oliver would taunt me from far away. "You want me to stop pulling on the shades, fatty? Come get me. I dare you."  Then he laughed and ran away before I could even stand up and say "OwmybuttI'mdying."

But now, just  a couple weeks in, I'm getting better at it. I don't feel like I'm going to die anymore. My muscles don't hurt as much when I'm done. I don't dread working out. Today, when Ashley asked, "Can you do this?" I actually said yes - And then I did it!

I mean, it's not like I'm a rockstar or anything. I can't do pull ups or push ups. Not yet, anyway. My plank exercise today topped out at 70 seconds or so, but when you consider that my first 20 second plank made me collapse... well, yeah. I take that back. I am a rockstar.

Anyway, I've found the key to my success in the gym is to make myself feel good. The entire time I'm there, I'm constantly thinking of tiny things that prove I'm not as bad as I thought I was.

For instance, a typical day in my brain at the gym goes like this:

1. I only need one towel to cover myself in the locker room. Great success!
2. I have no rolls of fat that I need to wash under in the shower. 10 bonus points for me!
3. I didn't make any grunts or groans when I sat down this time, yes! A+
4.  Look! That guy is going slower and sweating more than I am! That puts me in at least 5th place!
5. I look cooler than that person because I know how to use my fancy heart rate monitor. I'm pulling into at least 3rd place!
6. Watch me as I drink water without stopping on the treadmill! (3x multiplier bonus for good form!)
7. I just completed my scheduled workout all the way through. I win! ERROR. ERROR. TOO AWESOME TO COMPUTE.

And so, somehow, amazingly, I manage to win at fitness every single time.

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