Yesterday we were married. It was amazing. I didn't really think it would be any different for me than any other special occasion, but it was. I worked hard and I was so nervous because all of the choices were mine (ours) and everyone knew it. I personally made most of the decor, we chose the venue, the food, the music, the vows, the readings.... all of our very personal choices were going to be laid out in front of everyone, and I didn't want them to cheapen it or make fun of it. I was scared people would ruin things that were special to me by laughing at me.
But you know what? Nobody did. As is usually the case, I worried for nothing.
Sure, things went wrong, but our wedding was perfect. It really was beautiful. I heard all day yesterday how much everyone appreciated all the work I put into it, how beautiful I looked, how handsome our family is, how lucky we are to be together.
And I believed them! It's so easy to brush off compliments as people just being "nice" but yesterday I felt people were so sincere. Our families were all together and everyone got along. Everyone had a good time. Nobody noticed the mistakes. It was perfect, it really truly was.
Last night as we were walking out of the elevator, my mother in law stole the hotel sign which read, "Congratulations, Jared & Andi!" She told me to put it in my scrapbook, but that's not really my thing.
This morning as I lay in my huge, gigantic hotel bed next to still-sleeping Jared, I thought about that moment. Should I be putting together a scrap book? Most people do. Is that what I should do?
I decided no, I don't have to. I decided that I'll probably forget all the details - who sat with whom, what our decorations looked like, what kind of food we ate, what everyone wore. But there is just no way I can forget how happy I felt when we left our party for the first time as husband and wife. And that's what matters, right?
I'll remember walking down the aisle, scared to have all eyes on me, bawling like a baby. I'll remember making Jared start to cry too, and laughing because I felt better not being alone in my tears. I'll think about looking out and seeing everyone there being happy for us and celebrating us - not anything we did, not turning another year older, but actually celebrating us for who are together.
I'll also remember the way everyone around us came together and helped. The way my sisters gave me a pep talk when I thought I would throw up, telling me to eat something, drink some water, everything will be great. The way our families , and really, the whole group of guests watched out for Oliver, hung decor, ran errands, handed out tissues for my tears, showed up to support us.
I'll remember Oliver. How he walked over to Jared to be held during our ceremony. How he danced for everyone's delight. How he sat for hours playing in the fountain, destroying his suit but having a great time. How people complimented us on him, how he's turning into such a good person, and he is.
But most of all, more than anything else, I won't forget how happy I was. How amazing it was to sign the license with my brand new name for the first time. How easy it was to smile at everyone. How I felt so easy with who I was at that point in time. That truly was perfect.
When Jared and I left the party we sat on the giant hotel bed together and ate our fancy room service desserts.
"We're married now."
"You know what?"