We ordered cuy, a traditional meal of a few South American countries, especially Peru. We were told to expect a whole guinea pig which had been marinated for 24 hours and then roasted to a nice crisp. We were not told to expect to be blown away by his presentation.
First of all, this was not a small guinea pig. This was a body builder amongst PETCO guinea pigs. (They did actually fly the pig in from Peru for us, though. So it's not like I stole some child's would-be pet or anything just so I could stuff my craw. But, you know, if it came down to it, I totally would if I had to. Who am I kidding?) It came out on this huge platter surrounded by saffron rice, some sort of starchy South American corn variant, and cilantro potato balls. In the very center was the star of the show, Fluffy.
You guys, he looked so regal and majestic. HE WAS BEGGING US TO BE EATEN. Because he still had his whole face and paws and everything in tact, you could see that he was smiling, a nice big (rodenty buck) toothy grin. He was so happy to be celebrating our birthdays with us in such a special way! What a selfless little trooper.
And since Fluffy really wanted to go all out for the celebration, do you think he would just come out flopped on a platter willy nilly without any special touches? Oh no. Not Fluffy. He brought his A game.
Up through the side dishes arose our majestic pig dinner, reared back on tiny hind paws like the most loyal of steeds clashing in an epic battle. In his front paw he clasped a tiny sword with a cherry skewered on it. Lest his head be bare and plain, he sported a jaunty little party hat that rested cheerfully atop crispy little pig ears. Itty bitty razor-sharp claws dug into the bed of lettuce at his feet, giving him the purchase to look us in the eye, standing proud and tall before us. His tiny whiskers survived the flames that crackled his skin to a savory crisp - a very distinguished and tasteful beard for a rodent indeed.
I'm telling you, a finer creature I have not ever eaten before. We were the envy of the entire restaurant.
|Imagine this guy with more ornate side dishes, 10x more fashion sense, and a 90% cooler pose. Then you're getting close to our Fluffy.|
RIP, Fluffy. You were tasty while you lasted.