Wednesday, June 19, 2013

Happy Anniversary

Embarrassing self photo from 8 years ago.
Today is Jared's and my second wedding anniversary. We've been married for two years, even though it simultaneously feels like a lot longer and a lot shorter.

I get a lot of compliments on being a good mom, but do you know what means more to me? Being complimented on being a good wife. Being a good wife is so much harder for me than being a good mom.

So much of being a mom is doing things that you have to do, so you just suck them up and do them. You need to feed your kids and change them and look out for them. You are legally obligated to provide adequate care for them and by some law of nature you are forced into loving them, no matter what they do. You need to teach them how to survive on their own, because if you don't, they are helpless without you.

In the relationships I have with my kids, I am a dictator. They need to do what I say when I say it or they will be punished. In an argument, no matter if I am right or I am wrong, I can always pull out the trump card and say, "because I told you so!" and the case is closed. With them, I always win. I'm the parent. They're the kids. Game over.

But obviously, with Jared, it's different. I can't be the dictator anymore, and running a democracy is so much harder.

Jared is my equal. Being equals means that 50% of the time, I am not getting my way. 50% of the time, I might actually be wrong. Not only might I be wrong but I  might have to admit that I am wrong and change my actions to reflect that fact.

And for me? That's really hard.

Typing this feels embarrassing, though I don't 100% know why. There isn't any shame in working hard for things. I firmly believe that hard work is important for any relationship to thrive. The things people are proudest of are the things people spend their whole lives working on. So, why does it feel like I am admitting a weakness in saying that being a wife is hard work?

I don't know. I can't answer that.

But what I can say is that I am really proud of where all of our hard work was taken us and I'm even more excited to see where else we will go. The harder we work, the easier it gets.

Our life together is so much better than it would ever be apart.

Happy Anniversary, Jared. I love you.

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