Friday, January 22, 2010

Pacifiers, a double edged sword.

Oliver I like pacifiers. Most of the time. Sometimes.

I like that they keep him from crying in public, tight spaces. I like that he is more likely to fall asleep with them. But they have a sordid past.

In the beginning, they kept him quiet. He loved them. But he couldn't keep them in his mouth to save his life. It was annoying to be continually replacing the fallen pacifier.

Then there was this beautiful period during which the pacifier and Oliver coexisted so peacefully together taht I was like.. "Yes. I love those things." He kept them in his mouth. They made him happy so I could make dinner, clean the house, watch a TV show. It was great.

That period lasted approximately 5 minutes.

Now a typical episode with the pacifier goes like this:

Step 1; Adult places pacifier in his mouth.
Step 2. Silence. For 25 seconds.
Step 3. Removal of said pacifier for close and careful inspection. (What is this thing? I have never seen this before. It looks so strange. You swear its the same one I had 5 minutes ago? I don't believe you. It must be different. Let me look at it more. Surely you're lying to me.)**
Step 4. Realization that said pacifier is not in mouth, therefore not suckable.
Step 5. Frantic freak-out-arm-thrashing while trying to shove it back into mouth hole with underdeveloped motor skills and a sense of extreme urgency.
Step 6. Pacifier is in such close proximity to the mouth hole that it is maddening. Perhaps even the handle or shield part is in mouth hole but definitely not the nipple. Perhaps a fist made its way into the mouth hole before the pacifier.
Step 7. Attempt at sucking whatever ended up in mouth hole.
Step 8. Frustration at sucking attempts.
Step 9. Repeat steps five through eight at least three more times.
Step 10. Cry.

**During this step, infantile hand to hand exchanges may result in dropping of said pacifier. In this case, return to step 1.

So now I curse whomever pressured me into using pacifiers. I can't wait to be rid of them.

(P.S. Why do all the 0-6 month size Nuks come in lame colours? I hate pastels. Oliver does too.)

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