I've been feeling better. I probably should have posted nothing because instead of the usual 3 or so people who email in my absence, I got like 900 calls from everyone wishing me well. I mean, it was nice but also way more than I wanted. I do much better healing by myself, usually, but I appreciate your thoughts.
Jared & I went out shopping at the mall yesterday and I feel better. I've come to the realization that:
1.) Many of the things that upset me were minor irritations. The things that were my fault are already done, and either I'm doing something to fix it or I'm trying to figure out how to atone for my wrongdoings. The things that weren't my fault are also already done with, and since they weren't my fault I can't be (rightfully) blamed.
2.) The big issues that are upsetting me are too big for me right now. On top of that, they're very vague, general, abstract things. In my head, the ambiguity piles up and overlaps and makes my problems seem insurmountable. On paper, the list is much shorter than I imagined. And if it wasn't concrete enough to put onto paper, I decided it wasn't concrete enough to worry about.
3.) We are all healthy, my life is not really ruined in any sense of the word, and for the most part I am okay.
SO! Without further ado, a carefree video of Doobie.