Friday, September 30, 2011

Houses need a lot of stuff

I started doing an inventory of the tiny things that the house needs and the list is getting pretty long. Kind of like how my Christmas lists were when I was 12. I wanted everything. Now my house is a greedy 12 year old whining for fancy things like light bulbs. And blinds. DOESN'T OUR HOUSE KNOW THERE ARE DEPRIVED HUTS IN AFRICA THAT DON'T EVEN HAVE FLOORS?!

Jeez, our house is self centered.

Anyway, on the off chance that any of you have this stuff laying around in your "give away" pile or want to give us a unique (read: useful, not boring at all!) housewarming/Christmas gift... well.. You know. I'm just throwing this out there. You know. HINT HINT.

1. Carbon Monoxide detectors (qty: 2)
2. Lightbulbs (The kind that destroy the environment, please. qty: 10-2,000)
3. A lawn mower. (Goats not allowed by our neighborhood association.)
4. Cut firewood. (Also, we appreciate people to haul in the firewood.)
5. New stair treads and risers. (And/or the labor to install them mostly straight like!)
6. A giant pretreated 2x4 to cross brace our deck. (What, everybody doesn't want that?)
7. A snow shovel. (For the servants to use, of course.)
8. New locks! (Because, trust us. We have soooo much stuff people wanna steal.)
9. Outdoor outlet plate cover.
10.  Blinds. (qty: 2. Believe it or not, we have blinds in every single room in the house but in two bedrooms, the places you'd think you'd want them the most.)
11. A closet door.
12.  A couch. (Or, you know, furniture in general.)
13.  Shower heads. (qty: 2. Why are there no shower heads in this house?)
14. A downspout gutter curve.
15. A microwave. (And, you know, while we're at it, it could be a stove/microwave hood combo.)

So, there you have it. Isn't that a great list? I probably only forgot an additional 50%.

No comments:

Post a Comment