Monday, April 12, 2010

Apartment... Why do you do me like you do?

Dear Apartment,

I loved you from Hello. You are a convenient drive to everywhere I want to go. You are spacious enough to make me feel at home, without making me feel lonesome. The neighbors are good. Your price is right. I've done nothing but treat you well, and you think you can walk all over me.

First you decided to rain down nasty water in my bathroom. While I was in the hospital. Giving birth to that nearly TEN POUND baby. It was a mess to come home to. I understand, you were jealous. I get that you needed attention. Really, I get that. I have forgiven you.

But again? You think you can rain poop water on me, AGAIN!?! Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.

And if you think it has just been those two incidents, you're kidding yourself. What about the hot/cold water issue in our bathtub? I would really prefer to have both types of water available to me, at all times. What about the time your ceiling in the living room started cracking and sagging? The neighbors' party upstairs is no reason to let that happen. And let us not forget to mention the ants you let in last summer. Into our living room. We didn't even have any food in the apartment yet, and still... you let in the ants. Simply unacceptable. Inexcusable.  Did you really think we could go on like this? We can't. I won't.

Last weekend, when all of the sinks in the building had water back up into them, that was the last straw. The city inspector is coming by, and I don't think he will want to hear any of your excuses. I'm giving you an ultimatum: Shape up or I'll be searching the MLS list for another lover. I deserve better than you're giving me.


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