Thursday, October 28, 2010


Dear BFF,

I know you're supposed to pop out a baby sometime soon. I think this is cool. I'm excited for you. Right before Oliver was due, I was terrified. I didn't know anyone my age with a baby that wasn't a complete ghetto baby momma. I also didn't particularly like kids, and I really wasn't thrilled about being pregnant. I was convinced I was doomed.

But this is what I want you to know: You're not doomed. You'll be a great mom, even if (like me) you didn't plan this. I wish a peer had said that to me while I was pregnant, and maybe it wouldn't have made the whole ordeal so scary. So, consider this your peer saying it to you:

You will be a good mom. You're going to rock the shit out of motherhood.

First off, I would like to get this out of the way: Childbirth sucks. It does suck. It really sucks. It's a lot of work and it hurts and it might be the worst pain of your life. BUT you get over it. You do it anyway. Somehow the primal hormonal cavewoman in you comes out and you just pop a baby out of you - blood, gore, and all. And while you're doing it, you just do it. That's it. Nike should sponsor childbirthing, because really all that you need to know is to just. do. it.

All of that breathing stuff? Don't worry if you don't know it. It doesn't matter. The nurses will make you do what you've gotta do, and that isn't too much. Packing your hospital bag? Don't worry if you haven't. Hospitals aren't as bad as everyone makes them seem, and they will have everything you need. And if they don't? Somebody will be ready and willing to run and get whatever that may be for you. Even if you feel like you're alone, there are always people who will help you. (And remember, I will always be on the top of that list!)

Second, DO NOT LISTEN TO PEOPLE UNLESS YOU WANT TO. Everyone will be up in your business. Everyone will claim to know the best technique for this or that. Everyone will seem like they're judging you. Most people are genuinely trying to help, but the ones who aren't? Screw them. Ignore them, because you'll come across those people forever and they want only to make you feel insecure. Don't let them.

Even though you might not feel like it now, you will know your daughter best, and you will do the best you can for her. That will always be good enough.

And when (when, not if!) things don't go the way you planned, RELAX. Nothing can be improved through worry or anger. Your life with a baby will be complicated and difficult and heartbreaking, it's true, but your life will also be unbelievably wonderful. Above all, it will always be your life and that will always mean that your happiness is in your own hands. There will always be reason to smile, if you will it so.

And lastly, no matter how hard you try, you just can't do it all. Ask for help. There is never any shame in that. There are more people than you realize out there who want to help you.  It isn't selfish. It doesn't mean you've failed at anything. It is not a sign of weakness. If anything, having the humility to ask for help makes you the stronger person. It will make you feel less alone, and it will make the people around you feel good. Everyone wins.

Above all, remember that I'm here for you, your bff 4eva. When your boobs are leaking and you're about ready to strangle somebody, you can call me day or night. I can't wait to meet your little girl.

Love you always!

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