Tuesday, March 27, 2012

Stupid neighbors with their nice looking yards.

Every morning I wake up and the only thing I can see out of the window as I lie in bed is our willow in the backyard. At first, looking at the tree made me happy because it was the first thing to turn green and come alive. It was a good sign of spring. Now that it is alive though I keep thinking, Those branches are too low. It will be hard to mow under them. I MUST CUT THEM DOWN AND I MUST DO IT RIGHT NOW.

Just a few years ago, I would have gone out and hacked them all off myself the very first time I thought that. Or at least I would have hacked off as much as I could before giving up and going inside, leaving the project abandoned forever.

Now I have to go and be reasonable about things because I don't have my mom to come and clean up after me. A truly reasonable reason for not going out and hacking those branches is that I am 8.5 months pregnant. But that's not really my concern. My problem is that I remember from times past that cutting off the branches is the fun part. The unfun part is taking all of the branches I cut off and breaking them into smaller pieces and disposing of them. And there would be a lot of branches to get rid of.

Even worse still, sometimes the trash guys act like they're too good to take my sticks because I didn't tie a perfect square knot or something and then I'm doubly stuck with my dang branches.

So, I'm going to do the responsible thing and.... leave them on the tree! Make it somebody else's problem! That's what adults do, right? In the face of insurmountable work, give up. Isn't that a saying or something like that? No?

I pretty much gave up on the interior of the house. Our vacuum has been out of commission for a long time. I can't scrub the floor anymore because I can barely walk across it. I can't keep up with Jared's work laundry and Oliver's toddler messes and all of the dog hair that accumulates int he vacuum's absence. Long ago I gave up on the mismatched trim, the nonfunctional doorknobs, the unhung toilet paper holders.... I am too overwhelmed and I just can't do it right now without help. So it sits, undone, and I've kind of accepted that. It will have to wait for later.

I am fine with being an underachiever for now. I've resigned myself to that.


I still want to save face with the neighbors. I need to make a good first impression. I'm sure if they saw my nicely raked lawn and my orderly hostas they would think, "Wow! Those new people are awesome! I surely want to be friends with those cool cats!"

(What? That's not what makes you want to be friends with people? You think I'm worrying too much about keeping up with the Jones'? YOU DON'T KNOW OUR NEIGHBORHOOD ASSOCIATION, PEOPLE. I'm pretty sure our neighbors aerate and dethatch their lawns each year. They probably enjoy aerating and dethatching their lawns each year. This is fierce competition.)

So... anyway. The point of all of this is that I am going to go outside again today and try to whip the heucheras lining the driveway into ship shape. And I just wanted to point out that tomorrow when I am complaining that my back and my butt hurt, you should know that it could be worse. I could have gone after that stupid willow tree.

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