I sit around and occasionally say things to Oliver about the baby. I point out small babies in stores. I sometimes point to my belly and explain, in vague and probably misleading terms, that a baby will eventually fall out of there. I can't really think of anything else to do.
That is, so far, my role in the new baby's life. That and eating obscene amounts of whatever I feel like eating.
I don't think Oliver "gets" what having a baby will be like. I guess I can't expect him to. He is only two years old and all. But he comes up with crazy ideas. And I encourage his crazy ideas because no matter what I say, it's not going to be like what really happens. As if I even know what will really happen when the baby is born. As if anything in the world I could say would prepare him in even the slightest, tiniest way for having to share his life with another person overnight. A person that, in all rights, is pretty boring. And literally poopy.
So Oliver says Crazy with a Capital C things and I just laugh and keep listening. I can't think of what else to do.
Poor parenting? Maybe. Humorous parenting? For sure.
"When the new baby comes, he can't eat big food like you do, Oliver. He'll drink milk. Then he'll eat baby food."
"Okay. We go get baby food. And Mya food. We go to Petsmart."
"You think baby food comes from the pet store?"
"Do you think babies are like pets?"
"Well, you're pretty much right."
"How do we treat our pets?"
"Nice. Not hit. Not hammer. That's naughty."
I was actually glad that he remembered this and came up with this on his own. Yesterday we had a couple incidences of time-out when Oliver hit the dog. First, he hit the dog with his hand. I rebuked him. I told him no hitting. He grabbed the hammer instead. I rebuked him again. I told him no hitting. Again.
He looked at me with all seriousness and said, "I not hit! I hammer."
I amended the rules to say no hitting or hammering.
"Yes. Those rules are for the baby too. No hitting or hammering."
"Uh huh. Just pet. Be nice and pet."
"Well, I guess the baby would like that."
"And we give the baby treats."
"Probably the baby would like that too.."
"We take the baby for walks."
"Yeah. We can take the baby for walks."
"Baby poops outside."
"Well, I really hope not."
"Mya poops outside."
"Yeah, but although the baby is like having a dog, it's not really the same. It's just a sort of comparison."
"Comparison? Ok. Comparison."
"...Nevermind. What do you want for lunch?"
"Not dog food."