My new habit...

I had to buy more Rainier cherries. They're just so good. But expensive. I feel guilty when I eat them now, like maybe I should be secretive about it. From the way I sneak those cherries in, you'd think they were pieces of double chocolate meltdown cheesecake or something. Cherries are healthy.. I should be proud, right? But nope. I can't be. Not when cherries are like $4 and something a pound.

Jessica came to visit my yesterday, yay! We didn't do much but we had fun anyway. Hancock was having a sale so I got some awesome fabric to cover my seat cushions with. It'll give them a look totally my own and its something fun for me to do. We rented some cheesy horror movies and made gigantic ice cream sundaes, so all in all it was an excellent time.

Jared gets some time off of work starting tomorrow, so his friend Rob is coming to visit. Maybe that will motivate me enough to get all of the boxes unpacked before he gets here. Maybe, but probably not.

Less than your average warranty

As of today, there are 59 days left before my EDD. Thats less than your average appliance's warranty, but it still feels like a long time. Because its hot. And I want to wear my old pants.

Last weekend was pretty eventful. On Friday, Christa & I went mini golfing with her friend. I won. Totally. I even got par on one course - and I've never done that well. There wasn't even any sunburning going on, so it was a win all around.

Sunday was the shower thrown for us by Jared's work. It was awesome, we got good presents and everyone was really nice and excited for us. Afterward, we went swimming with them all, and I didn't get sunburnt then either. Score another point for me being awesome.

Other good things that've happened since then:
1. I have solved the bathmat problem, so that I will slip less getting out of Death Shower.
2. I changed the Brita filter in my awesome new Brita reservoir, so I have awesome water again.
3. I got a bag of Ranier cherries. O. M. G. My favorite.

"I'm touching his head right now."

Today's doctor visit was more exciting than most. There were a lot of people in the waiting room this morning, including a guy and his wife who were there for their first visit. The guy was clearly freaked out to be so close to all of the gynecological goodness that is the Women's Health Specialties office. This is a direct quote from that man to his wife. I laughed my head off.

"So... ... ...Is the doctor going to touch you down there? Like, you know... your vagina?"

That guy makes Jared look super awesome and mature. I almost peed my pants laughing so hard, and his wife was completely embarrassed. Best waiting room experience of my life.

Then, when I went in to meet with the doctor she was all freaked when I told her I bled this week. I seriously do not understand those people... When I call in all freaked out and paranoid? They say hey, no big deal! Life's a party! See you in two weeks!

When I decide not to call and just wait the two days 'til my appointment? Suddenly its WOAH NOW! I can't believe you didn't tell us! So, since Ms. CNM was so concerned she forced me into an internal exam. Ew.

The worst part? She insisted on talking to me while doing whatever she was doing to my cervix. Ow. Ew. Scary. Right in the middle of the exam my cellphone rings and I jumped about two miles high, and she made a joke like... what's the matter? You uncomfortable or something?

Yes. I am uncomfortable, because you just said, "Oh yeah... he's head down. For sure. I'm touching his head right now. Isn't that cool?"

Cool? No.
Weird? Yes.
Please stop poking at my baby's head and get your hand out of there. Thank you very much.

(And, just FYI, my cervix is as awesome as it has always been. Which is super-duper awesome.)

Those Similac coupons go like hotcakes.

Today I'm at my sister's house enjoying the relatively coolness of her house and using her non-deathtrap shower. Her dogwalker couldn't come today so I stepped in to enjoy the benefits of her house (and also maybe to help her out.)

I've been going through some stuff I got a long ways back and getting rid of coupons I won't use. I had quite a few coupons for formula, but since I won't be using any (hopefully) I put them up on freecycle for anyone who wants them. They're already gone. Can't believe how many people wanted them.

I've also got coupons for other stuff, but I don't know what to do with them... I don't know that I'd ever buy myself a Johnson's gift set, but I've got a coupon for one. Its a pretty good coupon too - $3 off of a $10 gift basket (or a$ 20 or $25 one, but I thought the $10 set was the most useful.) So... if you know of somebody out there who is buying a gift basket as a gift (or for themselves) then I'll pass on the coupon but until then I will hold onto it JUST IN CASE. (Like all of the 9 million other things I have for J.I.C. situations. This baby is turning me into a packrat.)

Not much else has gone on. I locked myself out last night but you know how that goes. Tomorrow is another appointment. Tonight I'm eating dinner with my parents. Paul the Cat is going psycho trying to eat a fly. Lucy is sleeping on the couch because she is too lazy to care about a fly. And I'll leave you, on that note. Maybe tomorrow I'll have something inspiring for you.

Don't judge me. (Fine, but just a little bit, Okay?)

Oh, Say it Isn't So!

So....

Normally I don't post twice in a day. Especially not twice in an hour's time. But I remembered that I did this and I now think it quite ridiculous so I'll share it with you for its potential EV (Entertainment Value).

Last weekend I was looking at all of my underwear folded in my drawer, and I started weeping. Oh, the colours! They were so beautiful! Behold, the jewel toned beauties I have accumulated over time! The fabrics, the patterns, the wonder of it all! I was entranced by my underwear drawer, no lies.

And then, I held up each pair that I had and thought about when/where I bought them. What fond memories! Crazy, but true. And then I lamented that approximately 2 out of every 3 were a size/cut that I could no longer wear. I am going to have to get either nasty maternity underwear, or buy some big ones from Target. You know.. the kind that comes in a multipack. Ew. Hanes. Yuck. I can practically hear my pretties gossiping in hushed tones about the newer, uglier underwear I'll soon start wearing. Oh, how disgraceful. The shame! The scorn I will receive from the beauties in my drawer! I don't know how I'll bear it.

But honestly.. who thinks this much about underwear? Who has this whole underwear anthropomorphism thing going on? Not me. (Okay. Maybe me... But I'll never admit it again.)

In which I show them I am not an idiot.

Today I took my car down to the dealership to see if I can get Mystery Disease of my car cured. I took it to them before and they were unable to diagnose the problem, and on top of that they made me feel like an idiot. (Jason the Manager, I know your name now and I will not hesitate to complain about you if somebody would provide me with the proper forum!)

I honestly thought this visit would be no different... I'd take the car in, tell them it overheats and acts all crazy, and then they'd smile, take my car for 3 hours, and send it back to me with no changes made. Things definitely weren't off to a great start when the courtesy van driver forgot to pick me up and I spent an hour in the waiting room....

But then, THEN, My Dear Readers, they found what was wrong! It took them the whole day to diagnose the problem but I am NOT crazy! Turns out some fans on something or other weren't working, and they need to order some parts to replace whatever is broken. This may mean that my air conditioner will condition once again and I can drive my car worry free! Its kind of a pain int eh butt to have my parents dealing with their rental car and to have to wait for my car to be fixed on Thursday but hey, at least they recognized the problem this time. I have been validated, and my worth as a human being has been redeemed. Score one for me.

Other than that, not much happened today that I can remember. Maybe something happened, but it has been overshadowed by The Great Car Fixing and I can't recall. That happens to me a lot.

Oh! One more thing to add: I AM GOING TO BE RICH! (Not really, but its a start.) The hospital really wants to study me & Babyzilla, so I've been signed up for some more studies. They're all pretty boring things... fill out this survey and receive $20! But hey, I've got plenty of time and I'm excellent at staying in the circles with a #2 pencil. It could be my calling.

Oh wait, one more thing! Or Two. Maybe two. Then thats it - I'm pretty sure. 1.) Jared's work is throwing us a baby shower this weekend, yay! 2.) My SNAC (Sweet New Air Conditioner) is going to be installed, Jared willing, this weekend so I can have my bedroom a bit cooler at night to catch some wonderful shut eye. No more leaving sweat imprints in the sheets! I am going to be living it up.

Great Success

I FINALLY got confirmation from Fairview about my class. They sent me a letter of confirmation telling me that I was registered for a class that was... OOPS... like 5 days ago. So, since they already took me gold (I'm a leprechaun today, apparently) I had to call and complain and after about 50 million tries I got transferred to a nice woman who signed me up for the next available date at no charge to me. What a lovely lady.

Therefore, I will be attending the Birth & Family Education class July 18th & 19th. There will be food. I will be happy, and I 'm hoping that the class is a little less frightening than the book they sent out to me.

The book made it seem like if I used any pain meds at all, it would be practically akin to drowning kittens or something horrible like that. I mean.. I guess I'd rather have them be more anti-drugs than completely I'll-Dope-You-So-Much-It'll-Be-Like-An-Amersterdam-Vacation. But at the same time.. I don't want to feel guilty if I walk in and I think I am going to split in two and decide I would like some sweet pharmaceutical relief. We'll wait and see how it goes - maybe the nurses and staff are a little more approachable than the pages of Facts about the Fairview Birthing Experience. I hope so. But also, there will be food so... I shouldn't be disappointed.

This weekend was nice. Jared & I went with some of his friends to Stillwater to participate in much camping and fireworking. The fireworks show was nice, if thats what you're into. Babyzilla was not into it. At least that is what I assume. He was either A.) utterly jubilant and was partying it up or B.) petrified and trying to claw his way out to safety. For the size of Stillwater, I thought the show was pretty nice.

The camping was full of chips & bratwurst, so that makes it A-OK in my book. Because, who doesn't like bratwurst? (Jared. Whats with that!!? And he's even part German, I don't get it.)

The doctor just called to ask me if I had taken the Vitamin D supplement when I went in for the tests. She was thoroughly impressed that I stopped taking the D & it was still so awesome (especially when you consider it was so crappy before!) YAY! Something I am good at! I am skilled at the ol' Vitamin D and tahts good enough for me.

Speaking of doctor visits... I've got another one on Friday. Fun times! I am so pro at peeing in a cup that you wouldn't even believe it. I could probably do it blindfolded with one hand handcuffed behind my back - I am that good. I had another mystery bleedy episode today but I'm not freaked out by it at all because.. well.. its old hat to me. There is no point in calling them all panickied 'cause they're jsut going to say the same thing they did last time which is: Be lazy, do nothing, make sure you feel him moving. Thats it. So I can handle being lazy for now and then on Friday she'll poke at me and tell me all lights are green again.

One last thought before I leave you to read the blogs of my dear preggy community: Where does vinegar come from? I've been wondering for some time, and I finally looked it up. It comes from allowing a distilled type of alcohol oxidize. Heinz says their white vinegar comes from "sun-ripened grain and crystal clear water" so there you go. Weird. I never would have thought it.

LICENTIOUS! (No, Just kidding.)

Because you all asked for it, and I am so awesome... Here it is. My belly @ 30 weeks.

Stare at it now because if you try to stare at it or touch it in person, I will get angry. Also, do not comment on how large/small my stomach is. For every person who tells me it is the size of Texas, I get another person telling me that surely I am only 15 weeks along. I have come to the conclusion that this means that my stomach is TOO PERFECT AND EVERYONE ELSE IS JEALOUS OF IT. Stretch marks and all. I thought about editing them out but then I thought... Nope. Too much work. Let ye gaze in wonder and awe upon my battle wounds.

Also note that it looks like my pants are going to cut off circulation to my lower extremities. I assure you, they aren't. I could make them a notch or two looser but then my pants would always fall down. No matter how perfectly a pair of maternity pants seems to fit, it will still fall low and be in danger of exposing my butt crack to the world. Little cherubs could hand weave my pants for me on a golden loom using organic wool from first born snowy white lambs and they'd still slide down. I've gotten used to this situation with my regular pants, though, so its no biggie. But I still wonder... Is this what its like for those men with a beer gut so huge that they must wear suspenders?

Since Babyzilla is now the big 3-0 I thought I'd update his biography a little:

Name: Wouldn't you like to know? (Oh, the anticipation!)
Height: 16 inches
Weight: 3 pounds (OF SHEER MUSCLE. Probably. You know, cause Jared & I are so muscular.)

Learned skills:

• Breathing by himself (Well, amniotic fluid. He'd breathe air if you let him but for some reason I keep him locked up in this small muscular cage and never let him out. He protests quite frequently.)
  
• Grabbing at things that happen into his hands (i.e. his umbilical cord, face, and/or feet)
  
• Lodging himself into the best real estate in my uterus

Favorite games:

• "Guess that Body Part" - shoving different body parts against my stomach while I (and others) guess which part it is, being especially careful to make his head & butt appear to be the same shape and size. (Wouldn't want him to just throw the game away like that, would you? We need a challenge.)
  
• "Body Slam the Bladder" - slamming his entire body against my bladder so that I must get up and immediately go to the bathroom. Even if its just a few drops.
• "Scare People to Death" - causing bleeding, Braxton-Hicks contractions, or refusing to move during the stupid allotted fetal kick count time frames, only to be hyperactive 5 minutes later.

By the way, Yes... I did take that picture in the office. No one is around and I've only gotten two calls today so I was feeling brave.

Also, postscript: Today's word of the day is licentious. I read it in three different spots in the newspaper and thought, "Huh... don't use that word much."

Slave Narratives.

Okay so... I did some things this morning but this afternoon I've got nothing to do. I mean nothing. There are tumbleweeds on my desk.

So what does a person do when she has no more work left? Check email. Nine million times. Stalk on Facebook. 30 times. Eat Wheat Thins. Eat Raisins. Eat last cookie. Drink last of the milk.  Poke at Babyzilla.

And then, I got creative. I googled "Slave Narratives" for some unknown reason. And they're weird. And I mean really weird. Weird like when your hair stylist looks an awful lot like the guy you saw on America's Most Wanted the other night, but you know you can't say anything because, c'mon.. that guy is inches away from your eyes with a scissors, and would you really want to risk his reaction either way?

But anyway, I read this one and its like... I don't know if I should be entertained or freaked out. Quote: "Dere is sho' goin' to be a corpse close 'round here." ( http://memory.loc.gov/cgi-bin/ampage?collId=mesn&fileName=041/mesn041.db&recNum=122&itemLink=S?ammem/mesnbib:@field(AUTHOR+@od1(Bradley,+Alice) )

And then I started thinking.. Wow. This is too weird. I can be normaler than that. So I decided to entertain myself in a more normal way, which was for me.. WATCHING JAPANESE BUG FIGHTS! They are exactly what you'd expect, complete with Japanese commentator. Two bugs are put into a tiny aquarium and then they fight to the death. Because what about that isn't entertaining? Exactly. Nothing. I knew you'd agree with me.

Man, I love Arvid.

This morning has been pretty boring... I entered invoiced into the computer, sent a bid off and ate some dry cheerios. And then Arvid came in, and he is such an awesome guy. He's been on vacation so I haven't seem him around until today, but he rocks. I just love old people.

Yesterday sucked pretty hard core, but I don't even want to think about it so I'll just leave it at that. Today is OK and I'm trying my hardest to make tomorrow even better.

Oh, as an FYI for y'all I forgot to mention that my glucose, iron, & vitamin D tests came back great. I talked the doctor into holding off on my next visit for a couple of days so that I don't have to do so much driving.

Now is the part where the faint hearted/relatives who don't want to see me in a different light may choose to stop reading. So, don't sayy ou haven't been warned but...

Man does my crotch hurt. I told the doctor about it at the appointment, and she said its my different pelvic bones moving and mashing up against each other. WHAT?! I didn't know that there were multiple bones in a pelvis. I didn't think any part of my pelvis should move relative to ther other parts. WHAT IS WITH THAT!?

That is freaky. Somebody should realyl warn all the other pregos out there that maybe they will wake up one day and it will feel like they took a crotch shot from a baseball bat. I mean, seriously... Thats just weird.