Friday, July 10, 2009

"I'm touching his head right now."

Today's doctor visit was more exciting than most. There were a lot of people in the waiting room this morning, including a guy and his wife who were there for their first visit. The guy was clearly freaked out to be so close to all of the gynecological goodness that is the Women's Health Specialties office. This is a direct quote from that man to his wife. I laughed my head off.

"So... ... ...Is the doctor going to touch you down there? Like, you know... your vagina?"

That guy makes Jared look super awesome and mature. I almost peed my pants laughing so hard, and his wife was completely embarrassed. Best waiting room experience of my life.

Then, when I went in to meet with the doctor she was all freaked when I told her I bled this week. I seriously do not understand those people... When I call in all freaked out and paranoid? They say hey, no big deal! Life's a party! See you in two weeks!

When I decide not to call and just wait the two days 'til my appointment? Suddenly its WOAH NOW! I can't believe you didn't tell us! So, since Ms. CNM was so concerned she forced me into an internal exam. Ew.

The worst part? She insisted on talking to me while doing whatever she was doing to my cervix. Ow. Ew. Scary. Right in the middle of the exam my cellphone rings and I jumped about two miles high, and she made a joke like... what's the matter? You uncomfortable or something?

Yes. I am uncomfortable, because you just said, "Oh yeah... he's head down. For sure. I'm touching his head right now. Isn't that cool?"

Cool? No.
Weird? Yes.
Please stop poking at my baby's head and get your hand out of there. Thank you very much.

(And, just FYI, my cervix is as awesome as it has always been. Which is super-duper awesome.)

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