In our house, we use our baby as a source of entertainment. He is a cross between a dog and a puppet. If we're going to be paying for his diapers, I mean.. the least he can do is entertain us, right?
DOG: We teach him tricks. (Cute! LOOK! He gives high fives now! And he can roll over!)
PUPPET: We use him as prop comedy. (So I says to the guy, hey! That's my Corona!) Everything is funnier coming from a baby.
DOG: We pet his belly. (Who's a good boy! You're a good boy! What a good boy you are, Doobie!)
PUPPET: We create choreographed line dances to make him dance out. (And stomp your foot now grapevine, baby, GRAPEVINE!)
DOG: You just drooled on the couch. (Wipe his drool back onto him)
PUPPET: Say goodbye to Daddy! (Wave his arm for him)
DOG: Get the toy! You can do it! Get it! (Put toys just out of his reach during tummy time.)
PUPPET: This solo is all you, Oliver! GO! (Make baby's arms play intense air guitar.)
Some people may consider this immature parenting.
But me? I say that wasting his baby grapevine skills would be a crying shame.
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