Thursday, February 4, 2010

Babies aren't just for decoration anymore.

In our house, we use our baby as a source of entertainment. He is a cross between a dog and a puppet. If we're going to be paying for his diapers, I mean.. the least he can do is entertain us, right?

DOG: We teach him tricks. (Cute! LOOK! He gives high fives now! And he can roll over!)

PUPPET: We use him as prop comedy. (So I says to the guy, hey! That's my Corona!) Everything is funnier coming from a baby.

DOG: We pet his belly. (Who's a good boy! You're a good boy! What a good boy you are, Doobie!)

PUPPET: We create choreographed line dances to make him dance out. (And stomp your foot now grapevine, baby, GRAPEVINE!)

DOG: You just drooled on the couch. (Wipe his drool back onto him)

PUPPET: Say goodbye to Daddy! (Wave his arm for him)

DOG: Get the toy! You can do it! Get it! (Put toys just out of his reach during tummy time.)

PUPPET: This solo is all you, Oliver! GO! (Make baby's arms play intense air guitar.)

Some people may consider this immature parenting.

But me? I say that wasting his baby grapevine skills would be a crying shame.

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