Thursday, February 4, 2010

Wherefore is Lloyd so stupid.

After reading Is Your Mama A Llama about 300 times, I am still perplexed by the ending.

Throughout the whole story, Lloyd the llama is asking different baby animals if their mamas are llamas. Turns out, as surprising as it sounds, they aren't. And everyone's answer rhymes.
And every baby animal is too kind to point out that Lloyd must be a little slow because there is no way that one could mistake a bat, swan, cow, seal or kangaroo for his own species, the llama.

Also, where is Lloyd that he just happens to run into a bat, swan, cow, seal and kangaroo all in the course of one day?

Then Lloyd finally asks another llama and she reprimands him for being an idiot. Sort of. In the most kind hearted, love-your-neighbor way she possibly could.

But anyway... This is what she says, which does still rhyme but really throws off the whole cadence of the book:

"Our mamas belong to the same herd, and you -- know all about llamas 'cause you are one too!"

That is exactly what the book says. Now I am no literary genius, but I don't get why there is that hyphen there. It just... ruins it for me. I can't figure out how I am supposed to read it. I stumble every time I come to that arrogant dash because, what? Am I supposed to pause there? Contemplate the complex story line? Give my brain some time to catch up? I DON'T GET IT! It is like reading Shakespeare in middle school all over again - too much darn work for a story written by some ponce that you don't care much about anyway.


That is what I was thinking as Jared was reading Llamas to Doobie before bed. My exact train of thought. Convoluted, yes. But it is true.

And then I thought about dreaded middle school some more. (Worst time of my life.) Which lead to thinking about dreaded high school. (Second worse time of my life.) Which lead to thinking about all of the people from high school that I more or less do not miss at all.

I made poor decisions in high school. I was mean to people that, although I still don't care much for them, didn't deserve it. The people that I most ridiculed were probably the best people in those halls. The problem was, though, that the admirable qualities they possessed are what got them teased the most.

I can't name names, but a certain religious fellow was a constant target in my book just because.. well. He was pretty lame and religious. A complete rule follower. Quite polite and boring. An off coloured joke said anywhere in the room would cause him immediate and obvious discomfort. He frequented the confessional by choice. He attended adoration because he actually wanted to sit in the chapel and talk to God, not because he wanted to get out of class. (Like certain other people I know. Namely, me. My friends. Everyone else.)

And now when I think about him... Yes. He was boring. Yes, it was ridiculous that he covered his mouth with his hand while he was chewing, so as not to even risk showing the person across from him the half chewed contents of his craw. Yes, his choice of attire was on the prude/nerd side. But he was nice to EVERYONE. He truly believed in his religion and was a good example of said religion's values. And not only that, he shared it with everyone. He never changed who he was despite how much he was teased and bullied, which I find to be deserving of utmost respect. I would never be friends with him or go out of my way to see him but, yes, I see now that he is a good person.

Then, when I look back at the people I did admire.... They were frauds. They were stupid but they made themselves look cool. They pretended to be Catholic in class but outside of those halls they were the worst partiers, liars, and bullies. I don't know why I thought some of them were so cool, when really they had no personality at all. Every personality they had was fake. They could school people in religion but in their other lives they were getting abortions and giving blowjobs at football games. The hypocrisy of it all is quite comical now.

Even my "friends" largely disappoint me now when I look back. They were simply people I hung out with so I wouldn't have to sit at lunch alone. My only real friends went to public school - something that alienated me right off the bat my freshman year. I graduated and haven't seen any of them, and I don't even think about them anymore. There were two people in that school that I think I really liked. One doesn't live too far away, and I could call her up but with all the time that has passed... I just don't want to anymore.

There is another girl that I really, truly thought was going to be a good friend for the rest of my life. She was a transfer student and we became friends on her first day. We both liked similar things, and we had the best times ever just being stupid together. We used to do meal delivery together and grab lunch at the co-op. We had our free study times in the library together where we would talk, ignore our homework, and read the lamest, most outdated books in the library that we could find. We used to hang out after school and feed the pigeons before she had to go back to her hometown.

She was really cool. And she was nice. We shared membership in the plus sized feet club. We liked similar music. We even did a huge art project together that was probably the coolest thing I'd ever done. I thought that there was finally somebody in that school like me that I could be real friends with.

And we were, for a while. We were good friends for what seemed like a long time. But then she started hanging out with people "cooler" than I. It would have been fine except for the fact that her new friends could be very mean to me. They hurt my feelings, so I let her have her other friends separate from me. Then when I didn't want to be made fun of anymore and I stopped wanting to hang out with her and her "new" friends.. Well, I guess she just forgot me. That hurt my feelings so much, and when I think about it I still feel sad.

And she is the only one that I miss. I know where she goes to school and we've exchanged a few words via facebook, but I doubt we'll ever be good friends again. I've heard rumors that she's into hard core drugs. Rumors that she is a slut and a party bimbo but I don't know if those are true. Its hard to imagine, but I guess anything is possible.

And why am I telling you this, dear reader? I don't know. I guess I just wanted to. Just because.

Because I've never admitted to missing her, and I've never told her how I felt.

And maybe because somewhere I hope she reads this and knows that I think she was and maybe still is an awesome person.

At the very least, this post furthers my secret New Year's Resolution.

2010 is going to be one hell of a ride.

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