Yeah. Dinner sucked.

After what seemed like a forever long day, Oliver is asleep. And so I took spent bit of time reading in silence. Jared took some time studying. It was nice and peaceful and good and then I thought:

Wow. I'm hungry. Dinner tonight must have been pretty crappy.

And then I went back to reading whatever I was reading. It isn't an unusual thought. Frequently dinner is thrown together and meager sized, leaving me to have a second dinner later in the evening. But then my tummy grumbled again, and I thought...

What was dinner anyway? Must have been terrible.

And then I realized that dinner was especially forgetworthy tonight because THERE WAS NO DINNER.

This is my problem these days. I forget to eat. Frequently I am so busy doing nothing and everything that I just forget to eat. I don't realize how starving I am until I am sitting down and nursing, and by that time I can't do anything about it because I am committed to nursing him for another 20 minutes lest I create the latest and greatest screamfest. And then I get up and I forget all about it again because it is probably time to _____. (Fill in the blank.)

Usually I can almost probably maybe always at least be sure to eat dinner because Jared comes home and starts rummaging before I can say something stupid like, "Don't ruin your appetite. Wait for dinner."

Why do I even say that? Its not like I have dinner just ready to fall out of the oven onto our plates, garnished and all. Its not like I've even started it. Or planned it, for that matter. I have no idea why his snacking bothers me except that I was frequently told wait until dinner as a small child. Pre-baby I used to ban Jared from eating before dinner because.. well, if I am making something YOU ARE EATING IT AND YOU WILL LIKE IT AND BEG FOR SECONDS. (Not really, but something like that.) I guess its just habit.

BUT anyway. Jared's rummaging is usually a cue for me to make dinner. So what happened tonight? Jared was busy. We were eating handfuls of dried fruit to get us through today. Jared has a test, I had grumpy face baby who was inexplicably clingy today... Dinner just never got made.

I'll be damned if I didn't vacuum the rug and clear off the table and clean the sink and load, run, and unload the dishwasher. But did I sit down and eat anything? No. Eating doesn't make me feel like I've accomplished anything. And when I get a free moment I don't want to eat, because believe it or not I can do something extreme like shower! Open the mail! Clip my toenails! Monitor the size of my I'm-sure-I-probably-have-skin-cancer-regardless-of-what-the-doctor-says back mole! Without the baby!

So now it is 10:45 and we're both starving and considering what to make for dinner. I just went to the grocery store on Monday yet we have no dinner options. I picked up little to no junk food ready-to-eat items. I didn't plan out my meals this week so every idea I've come up with has been thwarted by the lack of a key ingredient.

Yes, my cupboards are restocked with some of the things we were lacking and I was able to have my cup of hot cocoa with whipped cream this morning but for the $150 that I (read: my father) dropped on groceries there is not a single full dinner to be had.

Bring on spaghetti. For the 20th time this year.