No time like snowtime

Its been snowing a lot. Its good stuff. Doobs likes to look out the window and be blinded by all the white. He LOVES to sit inside the car while I brush the snow off, revealing pieces of the sky to him with every swipe of snow that comes off the back window. He even laughs sometimes when he gets hit in the face with the cold as we step outside. He is a Minnesota baby.

And his snow hat.. It is so adorable. Makes me wish it was winter all year long, just so he could wear that cute hat. He looks so cozy in his carseat, and he's usually pretty happy in there. We give him a lap blanket, put on his cute little rugby hat and zip up the carseat cover. On really cold days, we top it off with a most ridiculous flair - baby mittens!

I hate baby mittens. I really do. Oliver doesn't much like them either. I call them his flippers because he just sort of bats at his face pathetically without his thumbs and fingers to suck on. I don't even know how much they really help anyway because they're always soaked with drool by the time we take them off.

I've been working on Florida prep this week. Its a lot of work to get everything set up before we leave. I needed to stop the mail, clean the house, get Oliver's vitamin D etc. Not to mention packing. It is a nightmare. I never thought I was bad at packing until I needed to pack another person's junk as well as my own. And Jared? Well, I don't even want to think about what he is going to pack. He has a throw-things-in-suitcase-with-45-seconds-to-spare approach. He leaves a lot of things behind that he needs, and brings along a lot of junk we don't. I am just going to squirrel myself away in another room while he packs so I don't witness that carnage. I've got enough of my own packing to worry about.

Last night I couldn't sleep because I was trying to mentally pack my suitcase. I am constantly torn between taking and leaving certain luxury items. For instance... I love MyBrestFriend pillow. It makes feeding him much more relaxing and lighter on my back. But do I bring it with us, knowing that it takes up half of a suitcase? I just can't justify the packing space it'd require, so I'm going to just suck it up and use pillows to nurse O for a few weeks.

My plans for Florida? Do nothing most of the time. Glitter some cards. Go for walks outside with the Doob. Play videogames with Jared.

Things I am going to take a vacation from:
1. Watching infomercials.
2. Infernal crib mobile.
3. Making spaghetti.
4. Deathtrap bathtub.

Finally I'll get a break from all of Jared's study madness. I know he's working hard and all but it kinda drives me nuts. Kinda. Kinda a lot.

Jared likes to study on the floor in the middle of the living room. I don't know why. Everytime I walk out into the living room after a study session, it looks like The Learning Tree has shed its leaves. Lined paper is everywhere, crumpled and scribbled with obscure mathematical equations. The fruits of The Learning Tree must surely be grape soda cans, because those seem to be scattered everywhere too. There have been times when I have been tempted to rake my living room. I'm not exagerrating.

But the worst part of Learning Tree messes? You can't clean them. Because DID YOU THROW AWAY THAT SHEET OF LOOSELEAF FROM LAST SEMESTER WITH ONE SINGLE NUMBER SCRIBBLED ONTO A CORNER OF IT!?

Well, you just caused Jared to get that problem wrong and he is now probably doomed to FLUNK EVERY COURSE HE IS AND EVER WILL TAKE! You had better save that piece of paper for the next century, in case somebody swipes the University's grade records and he has to prove all of the grades he earned back in 1996.

And its not just school papers. Dear Diary, I fear Jared is a hoarder. I think he'd turn into a hoarder of TLC reality show proportions if I'd let him. I feel kind of guilty about it, because I am magical cleaning elves are constantly purging small pieces of Jared's junk collection while he's not looking. Socks have holes in them? QUICK! Throw them away before Jared gets home. This box that the router came in... Well, it somehow ended up in the garbage. Those crazy elves! Don't they know someday we might desperately need the lid to the rubbermaid storage box we no longer have? Tomfoolery.

P.S. Jared, if you read this, it is the elves, not me.. I swear! Also, kittywampus really is a word and I didn't make it up.

Sitting up is the new black.

I've been having a pretty good time since my last posting. It has snowed and that always makes me feel better, even though snow has been mysteriously tracked all over the apartment.

Oliver likes the snow because it makes it insanely bright outside. He likes looking out the windows. I sit on the sofa with him over my shoulder, looking out the window while I watch TV. BUT! Even the brightest window doesn't compare to sitting up ALL BY YOURSELF.

I don't know if he lives to fall over or if he just likes that I have to be paying superbly close attention to him, but sitting up alone is in this season. Now when he is lying down he tries to sit up by himself, but he just isn't quite strong or coordinated enough to so he grabs your hands and helps you pull him into sitting. And then he will want to stay there. Forever. (Or at least until he poops or wants to eat. Whichever comes first. Its always a close race.)

We've had a busy weekend. We went to the mall and were nearly trampled. We had to return a few things and also pick up a couple of items. We were trying to make it a quick stop but between parking and dodging crowds, it took a while. After we made our escape we realized that Doobie was probably starving so we stopped at a restaurant on the way home so I could feed him.

It was a learning experience. I wasn't wearing a nursing bra. Jared had scooped up all the laundry and with it all of my nursing bras, so I said... well. I'll just wear a regular bra. Let me just say that there is a reason I haven't worn a regular bra since I was pregnant. It just doesn't work on so many levels.

1. It is poor fitting.
2. It is uncomfortable.
3. Reaching up and trying to manipulate your boob our of your bra in a restaurant really makes you look like some sort of pervert.
4. Once you finally do get your boob out, don't even try to get it back in. It just won't work. You will have to leave the restaurant with cockeyed boobs.

It was an interesting experience, but I made it work. I was the perfect image of motherhood: eating onion strings in a BBQ joint, dropping crumbs onto my nursing baby, all the while ignoring the hicks behind me laughing about the 2 inches of boob they can see.

Couldn't I have gone to the bathroom and nursed in there? Yes, but that is gross and I wouldn't have wanted to eat in the bathroom so I wasn't going to make Oliver do it either. Public nursing doesn't bother me in a self-conscious sort of way. Inconvenient, yes, but do I have personal hang ups about it? No. The people who sneak a peek at my stomach flab are probably more uncomfortable than I am. :)

But now I must go work on more Christmas cards. The first wave has gone out so a lucky percentage of you already have wonderful homemade Christmas cheer in your sweaty little hands. Those of you that don't? Cross your fingers that Oliver is feeling like arts and crafts today.

Minnesota

Home.

I'm up tonight because Jared wanted to talk about where he wants to go to law school and it made me feel sad. I want to be excited for him, really I do, but thinking about leaving Minnesota is hard for me to swallow. I don't know what to say to him so that I don't discourage him. I know we can't stay here. The last thing I want is for himt o feel like we have to stay here.

And I know I can make a home anywhere we go. I will do it. I know that I can and I will. But its just that I know I'll miss here when I'm gone. This is home to me. More home to me even than Wisconsin where I spent most of my life. When I was growing up my mom and dad would always drive me here on weekends to visit my sisters. I always imagined this as the best place ever. The Twin Cities were my fantasy fairytale land. I knew I would grow up and live here and be free. LaCrosse was so oppressive and small. I hated school there. I ahted that when flipping through the phone book I'd eaten at almost every restaurant listed. Sure, LaCrosse was pretty to look at but it got old fast. Minneapolis was always the light at the end of the tunnel I deserved for putting up with high school and the small circles fo closed minded people.

As soon as I got my license I was driving here with my friends almost every other weekend. They all thought it was cool that I knew my way around. It felt great to be able to have my own "spot" even if my "spot" was the whole city. I was so proud picking Jared up in the airport for the first time and actually knowing my way around. I was proud to show off the city. I was a damn good ambassador. Coming to school here just made so much sense, and it is one of the best decisions I've ever made.

And living here has been great. I feel safe here. I enjoy city life without all of the scary parts and crime and dirt. Minnesota is so beautiful. The people are friendly. I love the snow. I like walking outside in the winter when it smells so cold and sharp outside. I like how so many people in the neighborhoods ahve fireplaces going and you can smell the wood smoke. I like how quiet it is at nighttime after a big snowfall. I like how the sky is sometimes orange at night. Even though it gets dark and cold I don't feel like this is a lonesome place.

In the summer time the city is gorgeous. It smells like grass and dirt and sunshine. There are trees everywhere. People grow nice lawns. The houses within the city are unique and full of character. The neighborhood streets are lined with trees. There are eclectic cafes and little gift shops all over in the different neighborhoods. Couples walk their dogs and rollerblade around the lakes. People are everywhere but they all seem friendly.

And Jared wants to move someplace completely new. Its scary to go away from everyone I know. If he wanted to move to Florida, I would understand. It would be easier for me to at least be around his family. But he is talking places like California, Chicago, New York. Places where I don't know anyone. It sounds scary and lonely to me. I'm not very good at making new friends. I'm especially nervous about meeting new people now that I have Oliver.

I just don't want to be lonely. I don't want to go away from my family. I don't want them to feel like I've abandoned them. I don't want to go somewhere without good bratwursts and cheesecurds and state fairs. Happy cows don't come from California because they're too busy living here.

Please don't think that I'm complaining. I just want a chance to air my grievances tonight so that tomorrow I can psych myself up for a new adventure and be there to encourage Jared. I know I can do it. I want to do it. I have everything I could ever need and I will be happy no matter where we go. Just because I say so.

RE: Crying. If you'd stop it I wouldn't mind one bit.

Dear Oliver,

Now that you are finally quiet and sleeping, I have realized that ALL DAY LONG you were driving me nuts being an active boy. Why couldn't today have been like yesterday? Yesterday you woke up without crying, and you were smiling in your crib when I came to pick you up. You spent all day long playing happily and I even got to clean and make pot pie for dinner. I can't even think of a time when you cried yesterday.

So what is up with you today? Why did you decide that today is cry day? I changed you. I fed you. I was playing with you. I even was willing to dance with you today. You were not happy in the mechanical mothering machine swing, either. The only thing you wanted was for me to stuff my nipple into your craw.

And well, I have to confess... Sometimes my boobs like their alone time. Please don't take it personally. Recently, it has been cold out and they do not like to be exposed. The tiny scratches from your razor claws cute little fingernails need some time to heal. The same goes for the soreness that has cropped up since you decided to bite me. I would appreciate it if feedings could end somewhere before the pruning and wrinkling from drool stage. Is this too much to ask?

Also, I apologize today for my lapse in judgement when I turned up the heat. I should have known that I would feel cold after being out and shoveling. I would have unthawed eventually, but silly me, I turned up the heat to a reckless 73 degrees. I am sorry for the next 4 hours during which the apartment was a hothouse and you sweated like crazy. It won't happen again.

By the way, I know we are going to Florida for Christmas but I promise we will come back here. Thus, I advise you not get used to the warm weather. You are stronger because of the cold. It builds character.

Love,
Mommy

PS I promise to get you a dog as soon as we will be living somewhere where we can keep one.

Christmas Lists cont'd

Okay... Christmas lists continued. You guys are hounds.

ANDI:
1. a nice knife. Wustof makes AWESOME knives but they are expensive. I would be so happy with just one. A serrated one probably.
2. An address book. I can't keep saving all of the envelopes I get from people so I'll have to start my own book.
3. Dry shampoo. A stylist reccomended dry shampoo to me once. I am intrigued by this idea. It sprays in and brushes out, cleaning your greasy hair when you don't want to shower/can't. She said Klorane and Algemarin are good brands, but I've not seen it anywhere around here.
4. Baby photo album. I've been meaning to get one, but I just haven't.
5. iTunes gift cards. Music! Games! Movies! Oh my.
6. Ankle socks with a nice elastic knit. I get angry when socks lose their elasticity and bunch up in my shoes. Just plain white socks. :) My FAVORITE EVER socks have either a "P" or a "D" on the toe, depending on which direction you look at them. Does anyone know what brand this is and where I can by more?
7. Most of y'all won't want to buy me underwear but I mean... really. I need underwear. The dryer murdered my two favorites and I am still mourning their loss. You could get me a giftcard to VS.
8. Nursing tops. Size L or XL. People are getting tired of looking at my bestretchmarked stomach and/or saggy boobs.
9. So... I am embarrassed to admit that I have always wanted a Chia pet but my mommy wouldn't get me one. I still want it. I saw it in the store and was like CHIA PET! I never got one as a child so I NEED ONE NOW. You may judge me behind my back, if you like.
10. A pony.
11. Wall calendar. I can't keep track of all my crazy life anymore.
12. Gift Certificates to The Wellness Center. Massages... relaxing.

Jared:
1. PS3 game Demon Souls
2. LSAT study books, Powerscore brand.
3. Pens, PilotV5 in multicolours (He takes colour coded notes. Crazy.)
4 . PSN or Xbox Live points to download their virtual games. I think they're like giftcards and you can buy them at Walmart or Target or whatever.
5. I'll make him add more later but he just left for class.

Household:
1. Coasters
2. Brita water filter fridge reservoir. (Blame Jared for breaking ours. We have no water now and it is his fault.)
3. Dr. Brown's dishwasher basket. It fits all the parts of his crazy bottles really well and takes up much less space in the dishwasher. Its inexpensive but I haven't been able to find it in stores. Had to order it online and pay for shipping.
4. iPod dock speakers. Baby likes to flail his arms to music. Jared likes to study to music. I like to clean to music. Everybody wins.
5. Netflix subscription.

Its Christmastime in the city.

I've been doing some Christmas stuff lately and I have to admit I might actually be looking forward to Christmas this year. Usually I'm sort of the grinch. I don't get into Holidays much. I got into school break, but not into Christmas.

But now that Oliver is here I am sort of excited. He gets presents! He will get toys. And even though he is too young to really care that much, he is going to think Christmas is awesome. It makes it easier for me to get excited.

I've been working on Christmas stuff for a while. I've been doing my own cards and it takes time, so I started wayyy back in November. Thanks for the reminder, Martha Stewart.

We have our own baby Christmas tree. It is actually a live potted fir with little bows and ornaments on it, but I call it a Christmas tree. Yesterday we picked out a Christmas tree for my sister's house and put lights on it. Today I am sending out the first of my finished cards, so a lucky few of you can expect cards in the mail. I'm trying to make as many handmade cards as I can, but if I can't make one for you ... well .. my apologies. I can only do so much.

Also.. to whomever purchased the blue footed sleeper with the stegosaurus on it: Thanks. It rocks because: 1. It has elastic in the feet so his feet actually stay in the bottom instead of up in the legs/stomach of the outfit and 2. it has an easy zipper and 3. it is super soft. I tried to find more like it but I couldn't. Closest I came were the Gerber blanket sleepers but they're not as warm and also the feet elastic isn't as great. So! Thanks for the dino sleeper. He likes it. I like it. Its a winner.

They shot my baby.

O got his 2 month shots today. It was entertaining in sort of a sadistic and cruel way. The way he went from calm and happy to suddenly bright red and screaming was comical. I have never heard him scream that way before. Ever. So at least that means we're doing something right to have never made him cry that way. I told him his next shots are in two months - which is 100% of his lifetime thus far so it probably seems like forever until he has to get jabbed again.

He came home and slept for a few hours. Since he was so quiet, I figured he'd forgiven the world for its cruelties, but it turns out he was exacting his revenge. He pooped. SO MUCH. He pooped on my pants. On my shirt. Through my blanket and onto my sheets. On his Boppy pillow. Also on 66.66% of his sleepers.

How did he do this? Well, the one he was wearing was pooped through. Then I went to put his new one and and didn't realize he had poop all up his back and it got his new sleeper poopy too. So I guess we need more than 3 sleepers.

He also had fun getting his hand stuck inside of a rattle. At least, I thought it was stuck. It was around his wrist for hours until I realized I could get it off if I just turned it the right way. It was like one of those mind bender puzzles where it looks impossible to separate the two nails, but really the solution is quite simple once you see it.

So I greased my baby up for nothing. Oops.

How dare you Sarah Lee.

Sarah Lee has been trying to screw me over. She thinks I'm stupid. I'm on to her.

Buying bread has always been a sort of dilemma in this household. Me? I like wheat. With birdseedy like pieces in it. Fiber tastes good, what can I say. Jared? Not so much. He is more of a Wonder Bread kind of guy. So we try to find thigns in between... smooth 100% whole grain, honey wheat.. those kinds of things.

Last week we picked up Sarah Lee's 45 calorie honey wheat bread. All I can say is... SHAM! The only difference between the 45 calorie honey wheat and hte regular honey wheat? A thinner slice! Honestly, Sarah.. who do you think you're kidding? Certainly not me.

Sadly, Sarah isn't the only offender. V8 has also been trying to pull the wool over my eyes. We buy V-Fusion because its a cheater's way of eating vegetables. I was searching for some good flavors, and I picked up the "Lite" version of the juice... And I wondered what made it "Lite" flavored. Hmm.. MORE WATER! Yes, it has 50% less sugar and all that jazz, bceause it is 50% water instead of 100% juice!

Jared complains that it takes me too long to shop. This is why. These fools have forced my hand. I must read labels now. I am that person.

I must be cautious. Even my own child is trying to trick me. He makes farts so juicy sounding that I am certain I need to change him... Smells like a poop, sounds like a poop.. should be a poop, no? Apparently not. This baby has farts so explosive, with such mature timbre and perfect pitch... you'd think you were in a nursing home after bean burrito night.

Something else tricky about him? He does things that make me all excited, and then refuses to do them again. Ever. Like razzing. You have no idae how happy that crazy noise made me. He did it probably 3-4 days in a row several times a day. Now..? Nothing.

Rolling over from his back to his stomach? He had that down for over a week. These past 5 days? Nope. The only rolls I've been seeing are on The Biggest Loser.

"Lau" has been replaced with "Ah-OOoooo" which I find sort of creepy. Sounds like he is saying "ow' all the time and/or howling at the moon like a werewolf. He keeps switching things up with me and I can't keep track of what he's doing.

His new skill? Sitting. I sit him up inside his little boppy pillow and he balances for maybe 3 seconds before falling over. I find that highliy impressive. If you let him hold your fingers to balance, he can sit almost indefinably. But will this last? Who knows.

I still have no internet.

I got a lot of responses on my last half-finished post. If I accidentally publish too early, all of you email subscribers only receive what was first published and you aren't notified when I edit the post and complete it. So... there was more than asking about my baby stinking in tha tlast post, if you're interested.

I was trying to think of Christmas lists for me/Jared. It is ahrd. Most of the stuff I want is stupid, but unbelievably cool. Take these zen blocks, for instance. What a great coffee table interest. It would be the most entertaining thing in our house since there is no TV in our living room. But... at the same time.. do I need them? Not at all. I just want them. Sometimes I'm a bit silly like that.

Something more useful that we'd enjoy would be a TV converter box for the living room. I'm still a bit bitter about that, though. We sent away for the govt coupons but we didn't get them. I suspect a neighbor stole them.

SPEAKING OF NEIGHBORS... We are responsible for them not receiving cable anymore. We had an appointment to set up our internet last Friday. The guy came out and went to hook up our cables and realized that everyone in the building was using our connection point for their cable/internet. They were paying for their service, but they were hooked up in our spot.

So when we went to order internet, the guy had to put a filter on our jack so that we wouldn't be able to receive cable... BUT, since our neighbor is using our jack, he got his cable filtered out. Oops! Take that for clogging around during your parties while I'm trying to sleep!

Now, get this... He came out and installed everything, and our INTERNET STILL ISN'T WORKING. He said he had the internet up and running but we were busy doing other stuff so we didn't check it. We just assumed that since he said it was working, it was working. Well.. nope. It isn't. So he has to come out AGAIN to fix it. This is probably attempt #573 to get internet here. THis is ridiculous.

On another note... Oliver refuses to eat. He'll just sit on my boob and ahve a good time not eating. I can leave him on for 45 minutes and he won't eat. SO..... fun. At least we're going in to the doctor the day after tomorrow. Maybe he'll whip O's butt back into nursing shape.

PS - We went doorbusting and got some great deals. TAKE THAT YOU LAZY SCOFFERS WHO MADE FUN OF US. We won't let you play with our new toys.

Interview with my baby

Q: Why do you stink?
A: I poop all over myself at least twice a day. There are nooks and crannies in my thighs no wipe can reach. Accept that I will stink, sometimes as early as 6 hours after giving me a bath. Thus, you should not attempt to give me baths. Ever. Because seriously, I don't like them.

Q: Why is your hair all matted 5 minutes after I brush it?
A: I am trying to roll my own dreadlocks by thrashing my head about from side to side in my crib. You are interfering with my style. Please cease all brushing activities.

Q: Why can't you hold your own pacifier?
A: Why should I? You pick it up for me every time I cry for it. What are you there for if not for serving my every need?

Q: Would you please stop thrashing your head about when my nipple is in your mouth?
A: No. I do what I want, woman. Don't even think about trying to pull me off because I will clamp down harder than you could ever imagine. Do you want me to rip your nipple to shreds? No? Then allow me to thrash my head!

Q: Why do you poop out hte sides of your diapers?
A: I am not satisfied with your outfit choice. It must be changed.

Q: Might we create some sort of a routine wherein I am allowed to eat breakfast maybe 3-4 times a week?
A: Yes. I see no problem with that. So long as you are holding me, making direct eye contact, and playing with me AT ALL TIMES while you are eating, then, yes.. By all means, eat.

Q: Could you please consider spending some time by yourself when you're awake?
A: No.

Q: Please? I'll leave you fun toys to play with.
A: No.

Q: Pretty please?
A: No.

Q: ... but
A: NO.

Christmas List

Promised a few people I'd give them Christmas lists, so here is Oliver's first. I'll give you mine & Jared's later.

OLIVER:
-Long sleeved onesies 3-6 & 6-9 months. He prefers bold or primary colours to pastels. He says he's not a baby anymore.
-Footed sleepers 3-6 & 6-9 months. But not hte ones with the hand covers because he likes his hands free.
-Baby jeans 3-6 & 6-9 months.
-Flexible soft soled shoes 6-9 (Robeez makes good ones, but there must be cheaper equally cute ones somehere.) Gripper slipper socks would work well on the wood floors, too.
-Baby food making set up. I've been recommended this one by a friend, and its available either through Amazon or Target. It gives age appropriate recipes & shopping guides.
-Food processor to make baby food.
-Small toys that preferably do not make obnoxious noises, but if they must then... Also get some earplugs for me.
-Crib toy to watch while he hangs out in his crib. Don't know how much longer the crib bars will be entertaining. He seems to like mirrors, so maybe that woul dbe a good option?
-Story books to read to him. Eventually we'll have to stop the Stephen King novels because they'll probably freak him out. Can't go wrong with a classic Suess.

...Why don't they make things like that in my size?

I don't know why I even looked at the BabyGap website. Because 1. I can't afford to buy him BabyGap clothes. Honestly... who can? 2. I always judge the people who dress their babies up in BabyGap clothes. Because... Did they seriously spend $50 on that baby dress? and 3. Oliver already has a Christmas outfit anyway.
But then I was reminded of this wonderful sweater, and I thought.. HE NEEDS THAT! Of course, he doesn't... but.. how adorable is that. Llamas!? I would wear that sweater. I love it. (Partially becuase I love llamas. Partially because it is SO FRICKIN' ADORABLE!) But, this time at least I will practice restraint.

I also was looking to scoop up a coat for him for next year because they're on sale. I found one that I LOVE LOVE LOVE but... Should I do it? Get him a coat for next year? I don't know. Sounds kind of like something Crazy Plan Ahead Mom might do, and I don't really know if I want to go there.

This week has been going super awesome. Monday we went to the library and checked out a WORK OUT BABY DANCE VIDEO and enjoyed a little dance. On Tuesday we went to Saint Cloud to visit my friend Robbi. I had a good time just doing nothing. Today I was able to get some more of my Christmas cards done after a baby dancing jam session.

I'm hoping I'll be able to wear the jeans I'm already in with less muffin top for Christmas, and maybe to be able to get into my other pants too. (But first I have to find them. I don't know where they are. Could be a problem.) I've been dreaming about losing weight, btu since I haven't been doing anything to help that I decided I'm going to start. So.. babydance, here we come! I haven't set my goal yet because I'm not sure what is reasonable, but once I do I'm going to post it here so you all can hold me accountable.

Lau to you too.

My baby talks. He says Lau. And Hi, and Coo, and Agblah. I mean really, what other words do you need to know? I think none.

Lau: an indigenousous people that live on the Solomon Islands.
Hi: a salutation of greeting in the English language.
Coo: the call of a pigeon bird.
Agblah: word of unknown origin which means "please remove the feces from my buttocks."

Need any more proof that my baby is a genius? I think not.

We had a good weekend. I got a massage courtesy of my sister on Friday. How come people don't rub my butt more often? On Saturday Jared and I had fun taking Oliver to Target and then driving all the way to Culver's before we deicded Jared had to experience the joy that is Taco John's. Sunday my parents babysat and Jared & I went to have some teppanyaki fun time.

Food time is now. Cannot post any longer. Need food.

Happy 7 weeks.

A couple days ago I walked to McDonald's to rent a movie with Oliver. There was a lady there with a three month old at the counter. She was trying to rock her baby's carseat and find her wallet in the diaper bag at the same time. She really looked like she was going to cry. I wish I could've helped but... its not like I can fish through her diaper bag, and its not like I can hold her baby for her. All I could do was shoot her a nice friendly look to say "don't worry about your baby crying, its no big deal."

I was sitting down drinking my shake when the lady's order came up and she had to figure out how to carry everything to her table. She looked like she was about to cry, so I got up and brought her tray to her table for her. She asked me how old Oliver was, and she seemed surprised when I said he was 7 weeks old. Next she asked me how often I take him out. She explained to me that her baby is almost 3 months old, but she has only been out with him twice because she has such a hard time with her son.

She asked me how I manage to "do it all." I actually laughed when she said that because sometimes I feel like the worst parent in the world. I finished my shake and told her she just has to keep going until she gets better. It was the only advice I could really give her because I still feel like I don't know what I'm doing a lot of the time.

Its hard to admit but a lot of times I just feel like I suck at this. It is hard to keep the house sort of clean and also to take care of myself and Oliver. These past few days have been even harder because Oliver has decided he doesn't want to nurse at all and he was getting dehydrated. How am I supposed to fix that?

Tomorrow I've got an appointment with the lactation specialist to try to work on a solution, so until then I'm just nursing him around the clock and giving him bottles to keep him eating. I know I'll work through this but its frustrating when I feel like I was doing so well with the breastfeeding before. I don't know hwat I did or changed to make that stop and its driving me crazy.

A lot of things have been "driving me crazy" to the extent that I'm going to bring it up at my doctor's appointment on Friday. I'm nervous about telling her. After going all this way and doing so well it is ahrd to say I think something is wrong. Maybe because I don't know ifs omething is wrong. Maybe I'm just having a hard time in a normal, acceptable way. Maybe I'm having a harder time than I should be. I don't know, so I'm going to ask.

I wasn't even going to write this post, but I figure being "real" here online is the best thing I can do. I've told friends that its brave to admit when you need help, so I'd be hipocritical not to tell anyone how I'm feeling. So here's to being real. I'm worried that something is wrong with me.

Because.. its not like I really feel sad. I don't feel sad at all. I'm not even anxious or worried. I know that in the long run things will be okay. I don't neglect Oliver or hurt him or feel like hurting myself. I don't feel hopeless or lonely. But, its more like... I get overwhelmed. I get upset. I get angry. Sometimes when he is refusing to nurse correctly I just want to yell at him and tell him to do it right. I am completely frustrated that I can't control what he does and I just have to take everything and remain cool and collected. Its hard. I just want to scream at him. I don't, but I want to. It makes me feel terrible that I want to. Sometimes I want to scream so much that I just set him down and leave him to cry for a few minutes while I calm down. Does that make me a bad parent? In my head I know it doesn't but it doesn't stop me from feeling like I am.

I can't tell you why I feel like I suck at this. I can't think of any real concrete reasons why I'd be considered "bad" at this. Rationally, I know I'm doing the best I can. So why do I feel like I suck?

I guess I just want to make sure I am doing this right. This is the hardest thing I've ever done but its also the most important thing, so the pressure I'm feeling is enormous. I want him to have a good family, and I want him to remember his childhood as being happy. I want him to love his family even if parts of it are flawed. I'm putting a lot of pressure on myself to give him a happy place to live because a lot of times when I was younger I was so unhappy. I sometimes hated my family. I hated that they didn't get along because I didn't understand any of it. I wasn't told the reasons why people didn't get along. I still don't know all the reasons why.

But that doesn't matter. I'm at a place where I feel like I can deal with my family reasonably well. I just don't know how to prevent these problems in Oliver's life. I want to make sure he never takes other people's problems personally. I want him to try to help make peace - but not at the expense of his own happiness. I don't want him to be ashamed that our family sometimes sucks. I don't want him to hate Christmas for the 900 different celebrations we have to do with the different disagreeable factions. There were years when I hated Christmas because I hated everyone's drama. I hated feeling stuck in the middle of everything. I don't want him to be stuck like I was.

I just want to make sure that I'm okay so I can give Oliver everything I want to give him. So even though I'm embarressed to admit I don't feel "okay" ... I'm going to do it on Friday anyways. Maybe just writing this will help me out. It might be better just to get it out there no matter how stupid I feel saying it. Maybe I'll tell the doctor all of this and she'll tell me I'm doing just fine. Maybe she'll just tell me I'm normal. Maybe its reasonable to get angry at 2AM, because no matter how upset I am at night I always feel better in the morning. I'm always able to rally my forces to get through the day. Its true that I end up worn down by midnight, and I can get really angry ...but who wouldn't be? Is this normal? Am I coping okay? I don't know, but I'm going to find out. Wish me luck.

The boobster is trying to make me look like an idiot.

Today The Boobster was remarkably well behaved when no one was watching. (Yes. I call him The Boobster. He likes it. I promise.) He was asleep nice and cozy in his Moby wrap when the FedEx guy rang the doorbell, so I naively thought, "Hey, I can go pick up that package and check out my spoils."

The box was huge. Hundreds of diapers and some extra fluff huge. Still, it was relatively light and I was feeling confident. One of my very nice neighbors came in at the exact moment that I was maneuvering to pick up the box and starts getting those crazy eyes that say to me: WATCH OUT! SHE IS GOING TO TRY TO TOUCH YOUR BABY!

She starts talking to me while I'm struggling and then it comes....

"Can I help you? I'll hold him while you take that inside."

NO! YOU CANNOT HOLD HIM! You just got off the creeper bus and I hear the strange noises you make in your apartment, heaven knows where your hands have been!

So I try to play it cool and say, nope, I've got everything. I'm good.

Then Oliver wakes up, stretches, and poops out the side of his diaper with such force that it goes down my shirt, onto my pants, and even onto my box. Neighbor is slightly abhorred, mouth ajar, shocked into silence. She didn't say anything but that look I'm pretty sure expressed the thought: "Shit. What do I do? There is no way I am touching that poop. How do I escape without looking like a complete jerk?"

So then, not wanting to force her into helping me and also not wanting her to touch my baby I start to frantically say over and over:

"Yep! I've got it! No problem. Don't worry, I've got it!"

Yes. I said that. Over and over. With poop on me. And a poopy baby strapped to my front. The perfect picture of somebody who has "got it." She thinks I'm nuts now.

But then after I wrestled mega diaper box into the house and unstrapped the baby from me, I lay him down on the changing table and Oliver laughs at me. He doesn't really laugh yet, but he makes these great screeching noises on rare occaisions of great pleasure. Apparently, pooping on me was a rare occaision of great pleasure.

BUT! It gets better. The kicker of the whole thing is that I completely forgot about it until right now. Jared came home from school and asked what happened today and I said, "Nothing. Today was pretty boring."

This is my life. I get pooped on and humiliated in front of my peers and I say my day was boring. Pah!

I can tell Oliver is going to be one of those "active" children. I put him down in his crib to pee, make breakfast, something momentous like that, etc and he cries. He already "fake cries." I hate when big kids make that obnoxious crying noise like they are really crying, but they aren't. I want to smack them. It is probably the most annoying noise in the world I always wanted to pick up those kids and shake them while screaming, "WHO DO YOU THINK YOU'RE FOOLING! STOP THAT!" (Yeah. I'm a legit parent.)

Well... That is my kid now. He fake cries so I will come pick him up. How do I know he is fake crying? The second he sees me he smiles and kicks his legs to mock me. "Ha! Mom! I totally fooled you. I was totally fine but you came to pick me up anyway! Ha! I win again!"

So now when I need to put him in his crib while he is wide awake, I put the mobile on to distract him. I can usually get through 2 orunds of Mozart's piano concierto before he realizes he isn't being held anymore and wait, he should be being held becuase he should always be held what kind of raw deal is this?

But anyway.. this mobile. It is a love/hate relationship. He loves it. I hate it. There is only so much repeat classical music I can listen to, especially when it is coming out of a plastic speaker box and being replayed through a baby monitor. Oliver loves that infernal mobile so mucht hat he tries to track an individual piece of the mobile and practically gives himself whiplash. I've almost considered filming him watching it and sending it to America's Funniest home videos - his head turning back and forth and back and forth as the mobile spins. He looks ridiculous. I've never done it because... seriously? What kind of people actually send in their videos to that show? Embarressing.

Tips for making an Oliver sleep.

1. Swaddle him, make it tight! If he doesn't look like a little glow worm, you've done it wrong. If he can move his arms, you've done it wrong!

2. Play his alien pod white noise machine. Not only does this relax him, it also stops him from being able to hear me in the kitchen and crying for me. I swear the second he hears me he wants out of his crib.

3. Bounce him up and down 5 minutes before laying him down. He likes it.

4. Make sure his room is on the cool side. If he gets hot, he wakes up and is angry. He likes it cold!

5. Make sure his crib mattress is tilted at an angle, but also make sure that he will not slide down in the night. That makes him angry. I speak from experience.

6. Put him in bed while he is still sort of awake. If I put him donw hwile he is asleep, he wakes up 20 minutes later and is all confused and cries. He might make fake cries for 30 seconds-1 minute, but he stops and goes to sleep for a loong long time.

His sleeping has been going well. For a time he was upset with his reflux, but now that he is feeling better he is sleeping better again. I get 5-7 hours at night, but he doesn't go down for the count until at least midnight.

Things people have said to me:

People say stupid things to me. Here are things people have said to me that made me laugh. Some will be left anonymous so as not to embarrass the people I actually know.

1. Check out lady at Target, while I was still pregnant. (To Jared in high pitch voice) "Aren't you excited? You're going to have a little brother!"

2. Creepy bum outside 24 hour CVS. "You must have money, you have a baby. Spare some change for my bus fare?"

3. "Where did your belly go?" - Stupid blonde girl I used to have classes with whose name I can't recall, said while I was holding Oliver, then 2 weeks old.

4. "Its almost like he is a tiny human being." - Woman waiting at pharmacy.

5. "Nursing hurts your nips like a bitch, doesn't it!?" - Large black woman with a grill, while I was nursing O in public.

6. "I read your blog." -Alain, at Oliver's first party.

7. "Will that just fall off later, or what?" - Friend commenting on the uncircumsized nature of my son's penis.

8. "You know that means he'll be a porn star later, right?" -Separate friend commenting on uncircumsized son's penis.

9. "Its amazing nipples can do that and not break." - Relative, while I was pumping breastmilk.

10. "Isn't it great to know that there is life in your breasts?" - Target check out lady, after asking if I was breastfeeding. I don't exactly understand what she meant by that.

11. "I call that one Sally" - Jared, after I asked him which breast's turn it was.

12. "He looks like Grover Cleveland without the mustache." - Kind Old Man.

Reflux, what have you done with my baby!?

Hmm. I've skipped a lot of stuff. My apologies for htat. Its jsut such a pain in the butt to post anything because my internet could be outrun by Oliver, who would actually get around quite well if he learned not to drag his head. (Why does he drag his head? I don't know. He can lift it up just fine. I usually only need to support his head while he's sleeping. So... you'd think when he is so busy trying to crawl to fall off of the edge of the bed, he'd hold his head up but.. no. Thats not how he rolls. Its like he only wants to move when there is a chance of him a.) reaching my dirty floors or b.) falling off whatever object I've placed him on.)

Here is what you've missed:

1. Umm.. about a pound and a half. He is an ounce shy of being a 12 pounder.
2. He rolls! Well... mostly. Only from his stomach to his back. He pushes up on his arms and basiclly throws his head to one side and the momentum knocks him onto his back. At least he knows how to use his big head to his advantage. Smart. :)
3. I've ordered his photos, so you should be getting them soon. You guys are like wolves when it comes to baby pictures.
4. He got thrush, and also he has reflux. He has been cranky. I was starting to get upset with him constantly crying, but now that I know its because he is owie I feel better. We started him on his baby Zantac today so we hsould be seeing an improvement soon. It was trying btu I'm feeling a lot better about it now.

I'd like to write more but the internet guy is here and Jared is going to write a lab report on the computer. BUT: here are the things that have gotten us through the crying:

1. SwaddleMe... I can't say how much I love those things.
2. Graco noise maker. YES, we spent money on something that makes noise. We call it the alien pod. He loves it and sleeps better with it on. Unfortunately, that means Jared & I also get to listen to its creepy heartbeat sounds NONSTOP.
3. Pump in Style. Dang, pumping is easier sometimes than feeding screaming baby. Pump in Style allows me to pump in style, if that style is nipples that are sucked to a grosteque size and shape. But anyway... it works well and I love it.
4. Neglector & Neglectron. That is what we've nicknamed the swing and the bouncy seat. They let us take a shower, or sometimes even eat dinner with both hands. Amazing.
5. Moby wrap. He loves the moby. Its a bit of an act to get it on, but once he is in it he stays happy for hours. Its worth looking a bit like an idiot putting it on in the grocery store.

Also.. next post I will 0try to tell you the Epic Poop Story. It was a poop like never before, and it deserves to be immortalized in type.

Ode to Jared

Jared is sick so he's kind of out of commission so I am going to write a list of good things about him that I can remind myself of while I deal with piles of Kleenex and whining for chicken noodle.

Here goes, top ten reasons Jared is an awesome dad:

1. As soon as he comes home from school, he washes his hands and immediately goes to pick up the baby and say hello.
2. He wakes up at night and brings Oliver to me for feedings so I don't have to get out of bed.
3. He takes out the bags of poop diapers to the trash when the diaper pail is full.
4. He sings songs to Oliver that actually make him stop crying.
5. He will do everything I do for Oliver, even though sometimes it takes him a lot longer.
6. He says "goodnight" and "I love you" to Oliver at bedtime.
7. He pretends to speak for Oliver and says "I love you, mommy, but I pooped!"
8. He watched almost ten pounds of baby come out of me and he said it was really cool to see. But even after watching that, he still says I look good even though I smell like breastmilk, my stretchmarks are still angry looking, and I don't have any clothes that fit me well.
9. He asks if I could hold off on giving O a bath because he wants to do it when he gets home from school.
10. Even though our lives have gotten a lot harder and he has to juggle his school work, he is always saying how glad he is that Oliver is here and how happy he is to be a family.

I love you, Jared! Feel better soon. :)

This is going to be a rough week.

Well.. I'm tired. Jared is tired. Our babysitting recruits are all sick so we're kind of stuck toughing it out on our own.

I'm getting tired of the house being all messy and I just wish all of this laundry could get done. We got a notice in the mail last weekend saying that I was denied MA. Thats just great. Why was I denied? Because I'm not a legal citizen and I have other health insurance? Both of those things are incorrect. I ahve to file an appeal now, but I don't really understand how, so I have to go in to the social workers at the Student Parent Help Center. They'll help me get it all figured out, but in the mean time its just one more thing I have to do.

Apparently the hospital found out that I was denied before I did because I've started getting bunches of bills asking me to pay the full amount. Besides those bills, I've got our usual bills & utilities to pay. It sucks to just have a pile of bills sitting on the counter waiting to be paid, its very stressful.

Stress has been the name of the game this weekend, too. Jared has three midterms this week so he was literally studying all weekend long. That meant that I couldn't unload the baby onto him too often, and that we didn't get any time to just relax and watch a movie together or anything.

Yesterday evening was horrible. I drove to the store (again!) and I was so tired that I just kept driving and driving until I realized that I wasn't heading in the right direction anymore. Then when I got to the store it was PACKED with people and I forgot what I was there for and I really wanted to start crying in the baby section. I managed to get it all together to finish my shopping and things were going better, but then a bunch of other little things went wrong. The toilet got clogged again, I ran out of dishsoap and couldn't find the new bottle I got, Oliver decided he was only happy if somebody was holding him.

The straw that broke the camel's back was when I had to nurse on lefty and Oliver got latched on wrong. My left side was already sore from an earlier time when I made a loud noise while he was nursing and he jerked his head (with my nipple in his mouth) when he startled. Then he had his mouth clamped onto just my nipple and it hurt so much that I wasn't thinking right and I just tried to pull my boob away without breaking suction first. For those that have never breastfed before, that really hurts. A lot. It made me cry. So then last night when he got latched on incorrectly to my already sore nipple I just couldn't do it anymore. I sort of just gave up on taking care of Oliver or anything else for the night. I just needed a break.

Jared was really sweet to me about it all. I went to bed and slept through O's late night feeding. Jared gave him a bottle and I got to rest for a while without having the anxiety of wondering when the baby monitor was going to go off next. I feel more rested today but I don't know how long it will last because Jared will be unavailable all day today. He stayed up all night studying & taking care of Oliver, now he is taking a test, then he will come home to take a nap, and then he will go back onto campus to take another test.

But ANYWAY. I'm tired of thinking about that so here is a list of things that have helped me a lot in taking care of Oliver. For the pregnant folk who read this blog, you may want to take note:

1. SwaddleMe blanket wraps. Oliver sleeps ten times longer if he's wrapped up in a swaddle, but he can break out of every brand except the SwaddleMe brand. Next time I go to Babies R Us I'm going to pick up another one because he keeps pooping on them.

2. Lansinoh lanolin. Ever since left boob's trauma, the Lansinoh has really helped to make it feel better. It smells and looks nasty but it works.

3. Itzbeen timer. This might sound useless, but Itzbeen is basically a bunch of timers that count how long it has been since the last time you changed a diaper, fed him, etc. I honestly can't remember the last tiem I did anything so its good to know the last time he ate so I can decide if he is fussing to eat or fussing because he's just unhappy. It also has a little switch on it to remind you which side you should nurse on next. Incredibly useful.

4. MyBrestFriend nursing pillow. This pillow is way better than the Boppy pillow. The Boppy is too rounded and the baby either rolls off the pillow or rolls too far forward towards me. The BrestFriend is flat and firm so O can just lie all comfy on his side with perfect access to my boobs. PLUS! The bonus to this pillow is that it straps on around my back so that I can stand up and move around without really disturbing his nursing session too much. I just wish that the BrestFriend was easier to find, because I want another cover to fix all of the leaking and laundry problems I have with it.

5. Warmy pack. Having the warm pack has been great. I've used it on my back. I've used it to cuddle up to for a nice sleep. The best use for it is on my boobs. If I put heat on my boobs, I'm able to pump a significantly larger quantity in a shorter amount of time. Plus it feels good.

6. Dr. Brown's bottles. O has become a bottle snob and he likes the Dr. Brown's ones the best. He'll take the Avent bottles also but 1. he seems to swallow more air with them because he burps a bunch after using them and 2. I have a hard time using them without having them leak. I already ahve breast milk leaking out of my boobs, I don't need it leaking out of the bottle too.

Hmm.. I wonder when I'll get the chance to end a blog on my own times. Oliver is awake and hungry again. So, I guess I'll post again later. Wish us luck on making it through this week.

My life running the Breastraunt.

Okay. Its been a long time again since I've posted, but I promised a breastfeeding post so here it is! But before I give you the inside scoop, here are the menial details of Oliver's and my life since the last time you heard from me.

1. His stump fell off, so he got his first bath! I'll get those pictures onto the computer to be sent out to y'all... umm... sometime. Did he like it? No. He hated it and he peed. A lot.

2. He now weighs 10 pounds 8 ounces. Thats a lot. He was only supposed to have regained his birthweight by now. What a solid boy.

3. I got his photos taken professionally on Sunday. A few of the pictures have been posted ont he photographer's website, but the rest will be finished in a few days. If you request the password from me, you can look at them all and put in orders if you'd like some prints.

4. I went somewhere without Oliver for the first time since he was born. It was so weird to be away from him, and even though it was just for a couple of hours I missed him.

NOW! Breastfeeding.

Where does one start in on the discussion of breastfeeding? I don't know. I'm pretty lucky because I haven't had any real problems with it. My nipples haven't cracked, bled, blistered... Nothing like that. When I've spoken with the other new mommies about breastfeeding, they give me evil glares. They are jealous of how awesome my nipples are. :)

My challenges with breastfeeding? I leak. A lot. At night, when Oliver wakes up for his feeding, I am lying in a puddle of my own cold breast milk nine times out of ten. My bedroom smells like rancid breast milk, which smells EXACTLY like puppy breath. (Probably because puppies only drink dog breast milk and their teeth never get brushed. So... if you want to imagine my bedroom's smell, think puppy breath.)

I got a waterproof mattress cover to save my mattress, but I can't think of any way to save my sheets. I sleep on towels and I wear breast pads but alas there is no damming my breastmilk river. I've had to put more blankets on the bed because being soaked with cold breastmilk makes me freeze. All of my milky bedsheets add to the mountains of laundry I've got, so I'm trying to figure out some sort of algorithm as to when I should change my sheets. How long should I suffer with the milk stink before I strip off the sheets and wash them again?

Something else that is sort of a problem is that, well, I spray. I don't know how many times I've squirted breastmilk all over Oliver's face. I wasn't really aware that one could spray breast milk, but IT HAPPENS. The first time I sort of freaked out. Now I am kind of amused by it. As embarressing as it is to admit, I have actually sat down and milke myself to see how far I could squirt. (The answer? At least 4 feet. NO LIES.) Nobody told me that you can milk yourself in such a way that it sprays out in all directions. I think that is something I would have liked to know going into this so, hey, now you know.

Other things I'd like to have known about breastfeeding:

A.) Your boobs get hot. Not sexy hot, either. Like.. flaming hot. Mojave desert hot. I don't know why that is but its a bit unnerving if you don't expect it. It does, thankfully, go away.

B.) It is a time sucker. You couldn't even imagine the time you'll spend grabbing your boobs, massaging your boobs, cleaning the various boob pump accessories, trying to snap the various closures on the oh-so-sexy nursing bras. Your life becomes centered around your boobs, because your baby is OBSESSED with them. Seriously.

C.) People will ask you nonstop if you are breastfeeding. I think if I had said no to some people I might have been knifed. People are REALLY all up in your business about how you feed your baby.

I would've liked to write more, but Oliver woke up and its time to open up shop at The Breastraunt again. I'll leave you with this:

I have gotten so used to baby poop that when I got some on my arm last night, I just sort of studied it. It was shaped exactly like the state of Alaska, and that intrigued me.

(I did eventually wash it off. No worries.)

Finally found time to post

****WARNING**** If you don't want to know the nasty gory details of giving birth, don't read this post. Don't complain to me if you do read it and think I've disclosed too much; you've been forewarned. I wanted to share everything for the people out there who are still pregnant and might want to hear what the whole labor/birth process really can be like. ****WARNING****

Okay! I don't know where to start. Obviously a lot has happened so there is a lot to say but its going to be hard to remember everything and then arrange everything into a coherent post. I'll try my best.

Today Oliver is a week old. I checked into the hospital Tuesday morning and he finally came out Wednesday afternoon at 3:15. The delivery room was really terrible.. my window was boarded up so I had no concept of time at all, it just seemed to last forever. The cervidil was really icky and I hated it, but it did eventually get my contractions going. I tried to hold out as long as I could for my drugs, but sometime in the middle of the night I took sleeping pills and a shot of morphine to help me sleep.

I think maybe the morphine was a mistake. I was so out of my mind that I just felt kind of crazy and out of control.  Even with all of the drugs, the pain was too much for me to sleep so I was just lying around drugged out and half conscious. I remember getting really scared every time Jared moved because I had to have him right there with me and I didn't want him to leave. I don't think I could have done it without him, actually. It made me feel good to know he was there the whole time, he was really a good support.

Sometime in the morning they put me on the pitocin drip because my contractions weren't regular enough. The pitocin really made things hurt ten times worse, but it did give me contraction after contraction. Around 5 cm I couldn't take it anymore so I asked for the epidural, spinal headache be damned. They were about to change shifts so they asked me to wait for the new doctor, so I said okay. Of course, the shift changed and they forgot about me so I was waiting for a very long time and I was not happy. Then they finally came in and said they would page the anesthesiologist. That took another hour for her to come and get all set up, and when she got there all I could think was:

"Seriously? You're kidding me, right?"

She was in training. She didn't know what she was doing. I have a history of spinal headaches and they let a trainee stick a needle into my spine. It was the most unnerving thing in the world because she took so long that I had 6 contractions during which I had to remain absolutely still. It isn't easy. It was terrifying. You never want to hear the person ask "Does this look right? Am I in?"

She finally finished and got me all taped up but I couldn't feel any relief. They tried to make it seem like, "Hey! Don't worry! sometimes these things take time to kick in!" but I knew it didn't work. I jsut knew it. She left and said "I'll be right back" but of course she wasn't right back. The nurses are never "right back." She finally came back and checked to see if I was numb and obviously I could tell her, no... I don't feel numb at all. They had to page the stupid anesthesiologist to try again, which took forever. I was going to ask for the real doctor to do the second epidural, but the real doctor was in surgery so there was nothing I could do but be jabbed again by the stupid trainee. I just wanted to cry, and I might have, I don't know. It was remarkably difficult to hold the epidural position to start out with, but then to have more contractions and pain on top of that was really horrible. Thankfully, the second epidural worked sort of and I was able to get some sleep. I could still feel things I shouldn't have felt, but it was so much better than before that I wasn't about to ask for another one.

The rest of the morning/afternoon I was just lying around eating Popsicles and complaining to Jared.  At some point I started to feel like I was pooping all over myself, but it was actually just gross giant bloody clots coming out. I really was paranoid that I was pooping so I kept bugging Jared but every time the nurses just said "No, you're not pooping."

At around 1:45 I was able to start pushing. Pushing actually felt like a relief because I was able to do something about the pain. I really had no idea how long I was pushing, but it seemed to be forever and I just got to be completely exhausted. Jared and a nurse held my legs. The nurse was horrible, I wanted to stab her. Between every contraction she would turn and click away on the computer and jerk my leg to the side. When something as big as a baby's head is coming out of your crotch, the last thing you want is to have somebody jerking your legs around. Even in labor I was still too polite to yell at her so instead I yelled at Jared for rubbing my leg. Poor Jared.

Finally, he started to crown and that was a remarkably horrible pain. Unbeknownst to me, Oliver had his arm up on his face so I had to push out his head and his arm at the same time. His head was so huge that there were multiple contractions with his head partway out of me. It is a real wonder that he doesn't have a cone head at all. After his head and his one arm were out, the one shoulder came out with a pop and the rest of him sort of came sliding out. They put him up on my tummy and let me touch him and hold him while they rubbed him clean. I pulled him all teh way up to my chest and the midwife commented on how long his cord was. I just sort of stared at him and wanted to cry. I didn't even notice Jared cutting the cord or anything else going on.

When they took him away to measure him and test him, it was just like I was immediately relieved. I wasn't passed out and drugged out of my mind, I was able to talk and be sort of normal. It was a really weird feeling to look over and see his feet kicking while the nurse measured him. It was weird to see him actually outside of me as a real person, and it was weird that he was mine.

The nurse kept saying how big he was and all I kept thinking was... Yeah. I know. I told you so.  He was 9 lbs 14 oz, 22 inches long with a head circumference of 15".  We were told the average head circumference is about 13". With pushing out his head and his arm at the same time, you can understand why I'm still a little sore.

Delivering the placenta was easy, but gross. It felt like a ziploc of Jell-O just plopping out of me. I asked to look at it and all Jared said was.. "Uh.. honey, are you sure you want to see it?" Of course I did, no matter how gross it was.  I mean really, it was disgusting but it was also pretty cool, too, despite the weird smell.

During the delivery I sustained a second degree tear so the midwife set to work stitching me up. Being stitched was a weird feeling because it actually hurt a lot more than I thought it would. You would think that after pushing his head and arm out that a few stitches would be nothing, but they bothered me more than they should have.

They bathed Oliver and had me try to pee before going up to the recovery room. I was still too drugged up to walk so they forwent the peeing and wheeled me upstairs anyway. I could tell I was about to pee myself, so they brought me in a portable little potty chair and helped me flop onto it, and I have never peed more in my life. It just kept coming and coming and the nurse was thrilled with my ability to pee. I guess I'm a good pee-er. For the record, though, that was the worst pee of my life. The stitches were horrid and all kinds of nasty plopping clots came falling out of me.

The rest of hte hospital stay was pretty good. We had Oliver rooming in with us so we got plenty of time to get to know him before bringing him home. Luckily, Oliver & I have been pretty good a nursing. The staff was very impressed by how much he pooped in the hospital. He graduated from nasty meconium to orange-yellow baby poo before we even got home. I haven't gotten cracked or bleeding nipples or anything, and now as of a week later they're barely tender at all.

Having him home with us has been going pretty smoothly, aside from some problems with the apartment. While I was in the hospital a pipe in our bathroom ceiling broke and was leaking above our toilet. I called the landlord from the hospital but the problem wasn't fixed until we were home with Oliver. We had to juggle being in and out of the house because we didn't want O to be around all of the construction dust from the holes they cut int he ceiling. 

All apartment issues aside, though, things have been (knock on wood) easier than I thought. I was really worried that I wouldn't be able to take care of him and that breastfeeding would be really hard but thus far I'm feeling pretty confident.  Oliver has regained his birthweight already (which they don't expect until he is two week old, not one) and he seems to be a pretty content baby so I can sort of relax now. He has been sleeping for 4 hour stretches through the night so we've been able to get a decent amount of sleep, which I think helps a lot.

Sometimes things do get a bit emotional though, but since I know its normal I'm trying not to worry too much. Sometimes I can just look at Oliver and cuddle him and it makes me tear up, even though I'm not at all sad. There is a woman on The Biggest Loser who had her 2 week old baby killed in a car accident and that made me cry. Sad stories on the news bother me a lot more right now. Its really inconvenient because when I get all emotional my milk lets down and I drip onto my shirt. Jared has been really supportive of me though and even when I'm crying because of the kittens on TV he's very understanding.

Jared has been a great dad. Its easy to see that he really really loves Oliver. At first he was very worried to handle him and hold him but he is getting more and more confident as time goes on. Jared changes his fair half of diapers and gets up at night more often than I do. He always brings him in to me to nurse so I don't have to get out of bed as often. Oliver loves his daddy and knows who is Daddy and who isn't. I truly feel like having Oliver here has made Jared & I even closer, despite all of the extra work he entails. I know its going to get harder but for right now I can honestly say I am happy with where my life is at, even if its not hwat I planned and I don't know what the future will bring. 

Later I'm going to write about breastfeeding and what its been like to wake up in cold puddles of rancid smelling breastmilk, but for now I'm going to get myself dinner before he wakes up. O & I are going to a coffee shop tonight with a friend of mine, so we're both pretty excited to get out. Email for pictures if you haven't gotten any, I'm not sure if Jared wants me to post any photos of Oliver or not.

(PS! I am wearing a pair of normal jeans that are only 1 inch waist size too big for me. Its exciting, and I only have one pair of maternity long pants that fit me.)

update via jared

10:40 7 cm dilated, our little unit of resistance should be here today!

In the hospital.

Okay... So.. I'm in the hospital stuck for a long time it seems. They didn't seem too optimistic that he'll come out today. But also I am highly uncomfortable. I've been getting contractions but..... You know.

The creepiest thing is that I can hear a lady screaming. Like... really screaming her head off. Its unnerving. Its freaking me out. I was trying to watch stupid Animal Police or osmething but all I can hear is "OWWW OWW oW!" and loud full on screams.

I was sitting here for a couple hours before they even did anything. It sucks here.

Here is the run down of what they're doing:

1. Cervidil. Its uncomfortable. "Vaginal Insert" would be better described as "Sandpaper ribbons that are pushed up inside you." Its supposed to soften my cervix and relax my muscles but it also might give me contractions and make him come out. So far, nothing really. It does mean that I have to be on the monitors and I can't move. Plus this is a breakaway bed so there is a big line going under my butt and my feet stick off the end because I am too tall. yuck.

2. After the 6, 12, or 24 hours of the cervidil working, they'd start me on pitocin. Which can take a few hours to work. That is the part that gives me horrible pain. I don't want that part. I want to go home.

---I wrote that part at about noon. Still nothing going on, except that my contractions hurt but are doing nothing. They'll check me again at 11:30, then probably put another cervidil in which dcould be another 12 hours. That is the nurses' guess. The pitocin takes a long itme too so you all need to RELAX because he's not coming out anytime soon.

How many times have you heard me say that?

Anyway... I don't know what I want as far as visitors tomorrow because if the nurses are right he won't be out until tomorrow evening or possibly even Thursday. So I'll sit here on this crappy crappy bed (I can feel the bars underneath the mattress) until they come in at 11;30 to check me and drug me to sleep.

Maybe more later, maybe not. To be honest, the blog isn't my first priority as you may be shocked to hear right now.

PS if you want to call, you're welcome to see if I want visitors. Call Fairview Riverside's birth center and ask them for my number. They'll put you through. Otherwise you can call Jared's cell because I think mine is on silent. I might remedy that after I've gotten some sleep so you could try my phone too maybe.

My new neighbors are poopyfaces.

We got new neighbors across the hall. I don't like them. They're poopyfaces. I've never actually met them but I am already certain I don't like them. I'm sure there must be a good reason. I want Kiko to back. Even though she didn't speak English, she was very nice and above all else quiet.

Today was mostly uneventful. I went shopping with my mom. I watched judge shows on TV. I read some from my new books I got at Barnes & Noble's USED section. (Did you know that BN now has a used section? I didn't. I was delighted when I walked in there yesterday and found that they had my book in stock used for only $6.)

Jared was feeling pretty sad today after he figured out that he didn't get the job he applied for. I tried to cheer him up by writing a cute message on my stomach to him from Babyzilla but it sorta turned out creepy for two reasons:

1.) I started to run out of room, so I couldn't see where/what I was writing once I got any lower than my belly button. The message "Feel better, Daddy" becomes very creepy when its written in a hasty serial killer's hand.

2.) I used a purple highlighter, which coincidentally looks an awful lot like the stretch marks that are ALL OVER MY TUMMY. So not only is the handwriting creepy, it also looks like it is written in stretch marks caused by Babyzilla doing freaky torturous movements inside of me. You have to admit, that would make a good scene if they were to remake The Exorcist again.

It made Jared feel better, anyway, though. :) (It probably helped that I also gave him a rice crispy treat.)

The doctor's appointment on Friday was boring as usual. I scheduled an induction on Tuesday if he doesn't come out by then, meaning Wednesday is the latest possible day for him to come out. I'm really dreading being induced but I guess there isn't anything I can do to escape it. He just won't come out. This is going to hurt. A lot.

7 steps to a more pregnant you!

How to commiserate with somebody who is more than 40 weeks pregnant:

Supplies Needed for this Craft:
-Hair shirt
-Molded back brace for scoliosis (2 sizes too large)
-Two or three buckwheat pillows
-Bungee cords
-Ankle weights
-Chinese restaurant in close proximity
-Sauna
-A bevy of hired helpers

Step 1: Put on hair shirt. Feel the itchiness on your tummy. ENJOY IT.

Step 2: Attach buckwheat pillows to the front of your body via the molded back brace. (Non buckwheat pillows could be substituted but I feel like the buckwheat truly provides the most realistic firmness and heaviness to most accurately throw off your balance.) Tighten straps of back brace until you can no longer bend at the waist.

Step 3: If you can still breathe, wrap approximately 3-5 bungee cords around the brace at chest level. Surely that'll stop that pesky breathing you've been doing!

Step 4: Attach ankle weights to your ankles. (Flesh coloured ones work best because I mean, hey, if you really were pregnant those would be your ankles.) What? Can't bend over to reach your ankles anymore?! Try about 30 different yoga-like positions to try and get them on. Maybe that will work. ...No? Didn't work? Give in and ask somebody for help to strap them on for you and listen to the crap they give you about not being able to bend over. Honestly, the longer you listen the funnier it gets. You'll LOVE hearing that joke.

Step 5: Go to Leann Chin's or the Chinese restaurant of your choice. Go there for at least one meal a day, or until you 1.) have enough sodium in you that your extremities and face have bloated beyond recognition and 2.) know each & every employee by name. Revel in that bloated feeling, and also in the looks that you get from the restaurant's employees. Of course they're staring at you because you're gorgeous, not because you are x days past due, shoveling in obscene amounts of Moo Goo Gai Pan, swollen little fingers struggling with the chopsticks.

Step 6: Go about your normal daily activities... IN A SAUNA. Sweating is very motherly. Don't wear deodorant because I am sure there is something in it that is ABSOLUTELY DREADFULLY POISONOUS to you and your unborn baby. Just because there isn't proof of that yet doesn't mean its not true. Somebody's cousin's uncle's baby was born with a lopsided head & weak cheekbones and you know what, his mother wore deodorant every day and that is probably what caused it! You wouldn't want to be a bad mom, would you?!

Step 7: Enlist your hired helpers to call you on your cell phone and/or email you several times an hour just to double check that the baby has not come out yet. Because of course they know more than you do, and you are CERTAINLY going to have that baby in the next half hour and you had better be getting to the hospital RIGHT NOW. You will receive bonus realism points if they manage to call every time you are in the bathroom and/or trying to take a nap.

To please the masses.

I haven't written in a while because there isn't anything I can say that will really please you folk except for "HE IS HERE! HE CAME OUT" because all of you are secretly assured that you will be the last to know. Well, I've got news for you. One of you unlucky saps will be the last to know. I apologize in advance, but somebody's gotta be the one. If its you, take comfort in knowing that you protected others' feelings from being hurt.

So... latest news. No, he's not out yet. He doesn't want to come out yet. I've got another doctor's appointment & ultrasound on Friday just to check on him and if things look good they'll let him go even longer. It could be agonizing for you people out there! It must be so much work for you all to be waiting by the phone/computer. Don't worry, I'm doing my best to get him out but he can't come until I get my free ficus trees. That is this afternoon, so, you know... Maybe you can hope for tomorrow or something. I'd probably be ok with that.

This morning I took a nap for like 4 hours. That was really nice. It would have been nicer if I had had a yogurt snack after I woke up but... There isn't any yogurt. There's not much milk either. No bread, no fruit, no toilet paper. Its probably time I go to the grocery store but I'm just too tired. I don't want to go by myself because I get more attention from strangers if I'm alone. Having another person there must act as some sort of weirdo deflector, I don't know.

Jared had a job interview this morning. I hope it went well for him because he really wants this job. I have mixed feelings on it, but it pays more than his last job and he'd have to work less hours so... I guess that is one thing to mark in its favor. I wish Jared didn't have to do so much but there isn't really any way around it. He needs to take the classes he's taking, because most are offered only once a year. His schedule is pretty rigid, so that while I know its not his choice to have night class until 9:30 some nights, I still hate it. I want to make sure he has enough time to be home with his baby and get all of his school work done too. He says he can do it and he says he can work hard but part of me worries that he has no idea how much work its going to be for everyone involved. I know he's a hard worker and I know he gets things done but I don't want him to kill himself over his schoolwork and make himself unhappy either. I guess its something I'll just have to cross my fingers on and hope for the best. Right now there isn't much else I can do about it until we see how things go. Maybe Babyzilla will be an easy baby and maybe Jared's classes won't be too difficult, you never know.

Today my mommy is coming over to help me with some last minute cleaning and organizing of the house. I just wish I could get everything done one time to say its been done!

Guess who isn't asleep? Hint: She is pregnant and she refers to me.

I can't sleep again. It sucks.

I went to my fridge to-do list to see if there was anything I could do on it, but there isn't really. At least not at 3AM when I'm really tired but uncomfortable and my leg feels like somebody tried to break my shin in my sleep. Why does it hurt? I don't know.

There are about 9 million things on my "birthday list" on the fridge. It started as a birthday list, then became a wish list and now its down to little things that the house needs. You can see how I got less and less ambitious as the list goes on... It starts with normal, acceptable things like a waffle iron. How I'd love waffles. What lofty appliance attainment aspirations  have I to celebrate the day of my birth.  At the bottom of the list, I  scribbled down shower curtain rings. How lame is that? Lets celebrate me being alive for 21 years by HOLDING UP MY SHOWER LINER PROPERLY! Rebellious. I guess if I really feel like treating myself I'll get a shower curtain too, but lets not get hasty here. I mean, I'm only turning 21, not like its the big 3-o or anything like that.

Since today was my due date everyone in the world called me. Which is nice, but I'm tired of people calling to say am I in labor already and why didn't I call and share the good news already don't you  know I'm just anxiously waiting with my life on hold by the telephone here? I've been trying to tell everyone that I've still got forever to go, but apparently no one believed me. I ate Leanne Chin's with my friend Kari tonight and a lady in the restaurant said, "You won't go past tonight!" Thank you, lady, for effectively telling me that I look so huge and I waddle so much that surely there must be a baby's head in my crotch ready to fall out. 

Well, I mean, there is but. Still. She didn't need to go around bringing that up. Especially not while I was trying to enjoy stale fortune cookie.

I'm glad that at least tonight is Friday so Jared doesn't have to get up early for school tomorrow. I guess school has started off well for him, but I don't usually hear much about his classes because they are always trumped in entertainment value by his stories about the 16 bus line. The 16 isn't the most savory of lines because it goes to the midtown area and thus attracts its share of weirdos and err... shall we say ethnic people. Today somebody tried to sell him drugs on the bus. Yesterday he was freaked out because he thinks a crack addicted prostitute accidentally bumped into him.

Now, while this very well could be true on the sixteen, it could also be a bit of an exaggeration. To me, Jared seems to think every person who looks in the least bit unkempt and/or has a backpack is homeless. Didn't brush your hair this morning? Decide to walk to class with your backpack on? HOMELESS! Also, as a couple, we are quick to assess strangers for possible mental disorders after all of the abnormal psych classes I took. So... between those two things, there really is no way of knowing whether or not the rider in question was a crack addicted prostitute or just an older chain smoker wearing clothing meant for someone 20 years her junior. It could really go either way. Midtown has its fair share of people in both categories I'm sure. I wish I had been there to see her for myself and make my own judgement. As it stands, I'll believe Jared because it makes for a much better story than "one time my boyfriend brushed up against a gross looking lady who dressed too young for her age."

(Since I've written that, approximately 80 percent of my readership will wonder if I am living in a shady 'hood filled with crack addicted prostitutes. I'm not, I swear. My area is really very nice excepting the occasional drunk college student on the weekends. Yes, I lock my doors. No, I don't take candy from strangers. But I do get into strange men's cars to help them look for their lost puppies, because only a soulless person could say no to lost puppies.)

(Now approximately 70 percent of my readership will believe that I truly do get into strange men's cars and will send me an estimated 13 email forwards on safe living as a vulnerable woman in the big, vicious city. Bring them on, baby, bring 'em.)

At home for once with internet!

I set up Mom & Dad's internet yesterday so they let me borrow their portable cell phone internet card thing. It doesn't get the best reception here, so sometimes I've got to wait a few minutes to get at what I want but its wayy better than nothing. Jared's job is to call Comcast tomorrow so maybe we'll have wonderful internet soon. (But don't hold your breath. Jared hates calling strangers as much as I do.)

Last night was a loong night. I was awake for almost all of it. At about 4 AM I started going crazy because all I could do was stare at the little red light on the TV and be uncomfortable. The only thing I could think about how just about 99% of the world seems to think I'm doing something wrong.

I know thats not true, but at 4AM when I was battling with satanic Panasonic LED light,I was first in line to believe it. I had to get up and do some neurotic kitchen cleaning just to take my mind off of it. I was feeling pretty bad about myself, because I feel like I suck so much in comparison to every pregnant lady at the doctor's office, grocery store, etc.

The first thing I do when I see another pregnant lady is assess whether or not she has a wedding ring. Most do. If by chance they don't, I make excuses for them guessing that maybe their fingers are too swollen to wear rings. After years and years of Catholic school, I'm bound to feel at least a little bit guilty but I thought I'd be over it by now. I'm not. I've had a lot of strangers comment on my ring-less finger, so its made me even more self conscious. Sometimes people try to be nice about it, but other times people are openly apalled that I've even dared to show my face in public. In the last couple of months I've started lying to people, giving them the line about my fingers being too puffy for a ring. I just can't say that I'm single without wanting to cry anymore. Its stupid, and I know I shouldn't care but I still do.

After the ring assessment, I go straight on to judge how "grown up" they are. I always feel like a kid in comparison to everyone else in the OB's waiting room. Everyone else has years on me age-wise, and the ones that don't always seem so much more together somehow. They have blackberries, they're wearing kitten heels and their make up is perfect at 8:00 in the morning. They schedule their next appointments around their work schedules, and they all sit together reading Oprah's magazine or Better Homes & Gardens. I've never once seen anyone else go for the National Geographic like I do. No one else seems to show up in flip flops, and I'm willing to bet they're not wearing rummage sale clothes like I often am.

Don't get me wrong - when I'm thinking clearly I'm pretty proud of how well I've done so far. I've come a long way in preparing to have the baby. I'm pretty confident in everything I've got in place so far. I don't really mind the rummage sale clothes, I bet most people can't tell anyway. I don't get embarressed when I'm the person in line using all of the newspaper coupons. I'm really proud of myself when I find a good deal on craigslist. I sometimes have a lot of fun being cheap, but at times I do get jealous of the people who have it all. Sometimes I lose my perspective and I feel like everyone in the world is watching me and waiting for me to fail.

Because really, I don't know what I'm doing, and failure seems to be the easiest, most available outcome sometimes. I'm still so excited about having my own place, and I still feel a sense of grown-up accomplishment when I write out the rent check. I like going grocery shopping because I finally get to make whatever I want whenever I want. All of these things make me happy, but at the same time they make me feel kiddish and stupid. I feel like if I really were grown up, I'd dread all of those chores instead of relishing how responsible they make me feel. I'm scared that I'm doing everything so fast that I won't be able to do it all when I have the baby, and thats the worst time I could fail, when somebody else is so completely depending on me.

Even scarier is the thought that I'm so young and inexperienced, but yet my family is so old. Last night I thought a lot about people in my family dying, especially my parents. I felt like if my parents were to be gone, I'd be all alone. I know its not true but I feel like I couldn't take care of myself if I were to wake up without them tomorrow. With my parents being so much older than most of my friends' parents, I've always kind of thought about that in the back of my head but its a lot scarier now that I'm supposed to take care of my own baby. Taking care of myself on my own is a lot different than taking care of myself and my son on my own. I still feel like I need my mommy there to teach me everything. I don't know how I can ever be as good as my mommy was to me.

I never even realized how good she was to me until I stayed at a friend's house while Mom & Dad were on vacation. I got really sick with the flu. My friend's mom didn't bring me Sprite and she didn't come in to check on me. She didn't bring me a healthy lunch on a little plastic plate and she didn't ever come in just to sit on the edge of the bed and ask how I was doing. My mom used to read on the floor in the hallway when I had a hard time staying in bed by myself, and lots of times she would stay there a long long time. She was always the advocate for me when my older sister teased. She let me ride in the front seat sometimes.

One time in the summer, she packed a lunch for us and we hiked up the bluff in Hixon Forest. I was so tired and I thought for sure I wasn't going to make it to the top but when we did I remember thinking, "Yeah, my mom is the coolest in the world." We ate peanut butter & jelly sandwiches with butter on them. Later, I started hating that she buttered my sandwiches but I think then I was young enough that I didn't even know there was any other way to make PB&J.

All of these things seem small and stupid but its easy to remember them and feel good. Even when I was in trouble and I was sent to my room, I sang a song which always started, "I love my Mommy, she's really nice." The rest of the verse was pretty much me making up nice things my mom did for me, and it didn't have any set tune but the "I love my Mommy" part was really the hook of the whole song. I sang it a lot until my sister heard me one time and never stopped teasing me about it.

But, how am I supposed to compare to that? How am I supposed to be able to do all of those things that made me love my mommy so much when I can't do half of the stuff she can? Her laundry always smells better, she makes the bed so much neater, and she's always always always kind to everyone. I just don't know how I can do all those little things that are so important to kids when I'm trying to figure out so much other stuff like school and a job. I wonder how to do all of that when I'm lying awake staring at that damn red light.

But ANYWAY. I know this post is long and it doesn't make much sense. I was going to go back and edit a lot of it, but I thought that'd take away some of its meaning. I know its been a long time since I've really posted, so here are the updates some of you might have missed. Other than this, I'm just waiting for him to come.

1. I went in for an ultrasound at panicky doctor's request and the baby looks good. He got an 8/8 score, and as of Monday he was guessed to be anywhere between 7-9 pounds. Thats good becasue it looks like his growth has slowed so he won't be the 10 pounder I feared.

2. I've started on the robots in his room. They're about halfway done and I love them.

3. I've unpacked a few more boxes, but I still have osme left. If they're not done by the time he comes I'm going to make Jared hide them in the basement so I can pretend they're not there.

4. I've only got 6 more days left until his due date and everyone is getting anxious, except for me. I'm pretty much willing to sit back and wait. Everyone else thinks he is going to come out in approximately the next hour from whenever I've last seen him/her.

I've sort of half packed a hospital bag, but I unpacked my camera and video camera so we can document some of this experience. I'll post photos here and on facebook for all of you people who are far away.

Now I'm going to go to bed and hope I sleep better than last night. Thanks for listening. :)

Doctor's Visit today...

With an actual doctor. Not a midwife. I am very glad I chose to go with the midwives. I don't think they're as... panicky.

Yesterday I called in because I had some more than usual weird swelling, and the nurse line just moved my appointment to this morning instead of Friday. I was fine with that. But then... I was with Dr. So-&-So and she got all excited. My blood pressure was higher than mine normally is, but still in the normal range on the charts. The baby's heartrate was a bit lower than his normally is, but also still in the normal range on the charts. And I had a very slight headache, which I am sure was just a coincidence.

That's it. And then crazy Doctor insisted I needed blood tests, another pee test (in case my first one wasn't good enough? I don't know.) and made me another appointment for Monday. Great. Exactly what I need with my insurance problems. My biggest beef is that hse put me on "bed rest" until my visit Monday... I have too much stuff to do! I'm pretty sure my midwife wouldn't have cared half as much about those things. Stupid doctor. How am I supposed to get my house cleaned?

Also...

My to-do list hasn't gotten much shorter, but I did:

-Find a nursing bra. Trust me, its a beaut.
-Launder Babyzilla's clothes and sheets.
-Organize Babyzilla's room.
-Cut glass for the table inlay.
-Receive a vacuum cleaner. (Thanks O&O! It works great!)
-Change the oil in my car.

I still need to:
-Figure out exactly the baby's insurance. I've got a good idea, but I still need more research.
-Set up my internet. I don't know whether I should buy the expensive stuff or try to hold out longer.
-Contact my parent's cable guy. He still hasn't gotten back to me, and I think I lost his number.
-Install the carseat. I TRIED! Honestly, I did. The problem is that the carseat does not fit in my car. Oops. I'll have to find a way to remedy that.
-Start stocking meals in the freezer for when BZ comes.
-Get all of Jared's stupid laundry washed, sorted, and hopefully give away some of it. This is more of a thing that I have to bug him about, than something I have to do. He has TONS of clothes. Most of them happen to be in a big heap on the floor.
-Reorganize the bathroom so that I can put away all of my shampoos, lotions, etc.
-Install the childproof locks.
-Install the curtains and wall stickies.

There is more, but right now those are my priorities. Feel free to do any/all of them for me.